


Living Things

by badlifechoices



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, I'm Sorry, M/M, badly written russian accent, innocent Pasha, kind of a dick khan, possible underage, post apocalypic au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:44:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlifechoices/pseuds/badlifechoices
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Apocalyptic AU Leonard McCoy has lost everything with the apocalypse or The Great Catastrophe, as it is called. Two years later he is on his way to San Francisco where Jim Kirk and his friends have found a spaceship. They plan to leave earth but then he encounters Pavel Chekov, a young man who is hiding more secrets than the doctor expects. (McCoy/Chekov & Spock/Kirk)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Things

**Chapter 1**

* * *

" _Daddy! Daddy!" A young girl, almost five years of age. Her long brown hair was flowing wildly around her head, and her small, bare feet were making no sounds as she danced on the grass. She waved at him, calling him over and over again, the smile on her face as bright as the sun above her. The whole world seemed to laugh with her. The birds were singing, the light breeze was like a caressing touch to the skin, and not a single cloud stained the blue sky._

_"Daddy, I'm scared!" The same voice was now tinted with panic and fear. The girl in his arms is shivering and crying as he puts her to bed, telling her everything will be better tomorrow. Lying to her because he doesn't know what else to say, because he doesn't know if they will still be there in the morning. The sky is darkening; black clouds hiding away the moon, the stars, and the sun. The clock stops ticking. The phone is dead. The radio doesn't find a signal. The TV sends the same message again and again._

'Stay Home.'

_"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?" The body of his wife, lifeless, the skin turning black, slowly peeling off. Her eyes wide open, filled with pain and fear. Her hands clinging to the sheets of her bed, the hair turning grey within minutes. He wants to bury her. But his daughter is watching. She's staying outside the room, asking him if her mother will come back. 'She will be fine,' he says. He's lying again, because he can't tell her she's dead. He's glad his daughter survived. He goes outside, trying to find out if someone else is still there._

_"DADDY! Something is not right with Ruffles!" He hears her scream. "DADDY!" He runs. He runs as fast as he can, through the large garden, back to the house. Her screaming stops. He hears something else, something he never expected. A low growl._

_He finds her on the kitchen floor, blood staining the white tiles. Her head is tilted to the side, her eyes open and lifeless. The next thing he sees is the open wound in her chest. All of his training as a doctor couldn't possibly prepare him for this gruesome sight. Bones were clearly visible through the mangled flesh. Time stops. Everything stops. He feels as if his own heart has stopped. He can't breathe, the air is too thin._

_He hears the growling again. He turns around, only to find himself staring at his dog. Or what was supposed to be his dog, Ruffles. He has found him on the street as a puppy, wide, pleading eyes staring at him. He took him home to his daughter, who was two at the time. She never accepted that his name was Jet, calling him Ruffles instead. The same dog who has kept him company through every argument he had with his wife, was now grown. His eyes are jet-black, his fur no longer golden but almost white with dark red stains. His snout and claws are bloody with Joanna's blood._

_He doesn't think as he grabs the kitchen knife. He screams, loud and desperate. Tears are running down his face, blurring his sight. The dog leaps at him, its claws digging into his shoulders. But the blood he feels on his hands isn't his own. He pushes the monster off of him, stabbing it again and again, until his arm weakens. He can no longer see, for the tears and the blood loss are slowly taking away his consciousness._

_He uses his last bit of strength to get up on his knees, taking his daughter's hand. It's not cold yet. The skin is soft beneath his fingers, just as her hair, and her forehead. He kisses her cheeks, before the darkness takes him. He is glad to die together with his family._

"Bones! C'mon Bones wake up already." Oh no, not him again. The doctor turned around on his mattress, ready to throw whatever fell into his hand at the other man. His hand searched the floor yet the only thing he did find were his boots and those were definitely too precious to throw them at someone like Jim. "I'm sorry to interrupt your sweet dreams, but I gotta go and I didn't wanna leave you here without saying goodbye." Sweet dreams. A dry laugh escaped his lips, as he finally opened his eyes to glare at the most obnoxious person he had ever met. He didn't have sweet dreams for two years now; two years in this wasteland they once called earth, the blue and green planet.

"Why would you care if I know where you're going, kid? You'll come back anyway." And that was why Leonard still liked the guy, even though he was the most annoying asshole you could find. James Tiberius Kirk was the only person who actually cared for people anymore. He had saved him. He had found him lying unconsciously next to the dead body of his daughter, with the corpse of his wife in the room above their heads. Instead of just leaving him and taking the food, he had taken care of him. Shaking his head, the older man got up, slipped into his boots and reached for the gun under his pillow, before turning around to face his friend. "And?" he asked, quirking his brow and waiting for an answer.

"Well, ya know, Uhura just told me they found something. I dunno what it is yet but they're sure it's important." The younger man shrugged the usual grin on his face as he threw his worn out military bag over his shoulder. "I know you don't want to come with me, but I'll tell you if it's really important or not once we found out." Jim looked more tired than usual; he had dark circles around his eyes, and even his typical messy hair didn't stand up the way it usually did. McCoy felt slightly guilty because the kid had kept watch, while he was being sound asleep, though they had technically agreed that the older would take the second shift. But he knew it was futile to tell Jim to get some rest first. When the man wanted to do something, he just did it, no matter what other people said. Not even if said people had studied medicine and could list a dozen different ways your brain shuts down when you're exhausted.

"Take care." It wasn't much, but the other didn't expect anything else from him. "You know I'm always taking care, Bones!" The boy's grin spread even wider as he pushed away the large cupboard they had positioned in front of the door to keep potential enemies out. A toxic, yellowish twilight seeped through the opened door but neither one seemed surprised. They hadn't seen the sun in years now, ever since "The Great Catastrophe", as the survivors used to call it.

Leonard sighed, sitting on the edge of his mattress for a little longer, as he heard the engine of Jim's motorbike outside. It seemed weird how the old, fuel-eating machine was the only vehicle that still worked. All the newer, electric cars that were powered with sunlight were, of course, not working due to the eternal twilight. "I should be used to this shit by now." He muttered, taking a sip from the small water bottle and staring at the bag to his feet. He had weapons in there: guns, knives, even a few grenades. He, a peaceful countryside doctor, used to believe in the 'happily ever after' with his beloved wife and their beautiful daughter. It was a joke. Weighting the gun in his hands, he wondered why he hadn't used it on himself already. Two years, and everyday was a goddamn fight because something inside his brain wanted him to survive.

The Great Catastrophe had come without a warning. And without Jim, he would've never known the truth about what happened. But the kid and his friends had found out more about it. They had discovered transmissions and documents about a lunatic who had played with nuclear weapons and whose fault it had been that the first bomb had finally hit Europe. The war that followed could've been prevented if the governments would've wanted it. But nobody stopped it, and about one-third of the world had been wiped out. And those who didn't die right away, hit by one of the bombs which wiped out whole cities, still had to fight the radiation.

The only survivors were the ones with a genetic mutation called the A-gene. Leonard had never figured out why the people actually called it A-gene, it probably stood for 'Anti' or 'Apocalypse', but he didn't care. His wife didn't possess the gene, but he did, just as his precious daughter. He had thought himself happy, to have at least something left, until he had found out what else they had to fear. Animals, mutated and starved; pets who were turning against their previous owners.

He shook his head, pushing away the thoughts as he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. If he wanted to stay alive, he had to get going. It was the new daily routine for him. Wake up with the sun rising, get on the road; find a shelter where he could spend the night without being torn apart. He couldn't tell what exactly he was searching for, but there was something that just urged him to go on. He met other survivors from time to time, helping them out as best as he could and then telling them where to head. Jim's former mentor, some old man named Chris Pike, had started to build a shelter somewhere in San Francisco. Leonard had never actually been there, but the young Kirk had told him about it, and he trusted his words, well at least sometimes.  
Tucking the gun back into the improvised holster, he shouldered his bag and stepped outside. The warm, foul smelling wind tousled his hair until he pulled the hood over his head. "Just another damn day of walking around in this wasteland…"

* * *

'Welcome to San Francisco'

The sign looked old, rusty, and dirty. The pole was bent like an old, sad man who tried his best to get away from the city he belonged to, but who couldn't move because his feet were chained to the ground. He always took the same way into the city; the same dusty road that was lined with car wracks and empty houses. In the beginning he had found it funny, how much it looked like all those zombie films. The films in which the apocalypse had brought back the dead from their graves, infecting everybody else, until the whole world was a huge pot of living dead people. But after a few weeks of travelling through the country, always greeted by the same sight, he couldn't laugh anymore. There were no zombies in this apocalypse, no threat but nature itself, and the lack of provisions, drugs and fresh air.

Jim still remembered the first time he had entered one of the houses. He had found the inhabitants hadn't left to go somewhere safe, but had simply died. He had thrown up at the sight. There was something in the air, some weird gas that conserved the corpses, so they didn't rot. No bones, but dead bodies, stiff and cold and ugly, deformed by what the radiation had done to them. It was a sight he wished he had never seen. Unfortunately, from then on it had become something he saw every day. At least it was still better than what he found in those houses, where either they hadn't been locked well enough, or the windows were close enough to the ground so it was easy for one of those monsters to get in. It was worse, far worse.

Most of the corpses weren't even eaten completely; it was always just pieces which were missing: a limb, the organs, the eyes. Jim Kirk had never in his life seen anything as terrible and sickening as what he witnessed in those two years after the world had ended. He had never been a religious man; he had enjoyed the prophets who told him to either think about his life's choices or to pay for his sins one day. He had read the bible once, back when he was still attending school like the other kids. This was before he began skipping classes, and he had found it highly amusing that people actually believed in the whole thing.

"And I will show wonders in the heavens and in the Earth:  
blood and fire and pillars of smoke.  
The Sun shall be turned into darkness,  
and the Moon into blood,  
before the coming great and awesome Day of the Lord,  
and it shall come to pass  
that whoever calls on the Name of the LORD  
shall be saved."

But when the last day of the earth as they knew it finally came, he couldn't even laugh at all the people who tried to save themselves by escaping into the church to pray and beg for forgiveness.

And James T. Kirk was one of the only people who actually knew about everything that happened on this day. Not from the beginning though, but he had spent the first year after the apocalypse trying to find others, to gather people and knowledge around him. He had found friends, close friends, whom he trusted with his life and together they had begun searching for what was left of the truth. There was Nyota Uhura, a really beautiful young woman, who knew every important language fluently and about a dozen other, less important ones. Hikaru Sulu, secret agent and pilot, who had been trained to fly one of the few space ships they had built secretly in some hidden facility somewhere in Nebraska. The man could fight better than any other survivor, knew how to handle a sword better than a gun, and he had saved Jim's life many times. He also met a Scottish engineer named Scott, who knew everything about those spaceships, and who had worked for the government in designing and building them.

There was also Chris Pike, the man who had taught him everything he knew, and the one who convinced him to start researching. The older man, formerly a well known Admiral, had found him after everybody around him died from the radiation and had effectively talked some sense into him. They had started to work together, building a shelter for other survivors, finding provisions, and trying to find out what caused the war. Bones, the doctor from Georgia, was found with his dead family. Bones would have been killed if it hadn't been for Jim. The doctor had been attacked by one of the 'hunters', as Jim calls them, because they ceased to become pets as soon as they started killing people. Bones soon become his best friend, despite his gruff personality.

And then there was Spock, the man he fell in love with the second they met. Spock was one of those people who didn't just survive the great catastrophe; it changed him. He mutated, but not in the ugly and bad way. He gained abilities, and his looks changed a little. The man had pointed ears, weird eyebrows, and his blood was no longer red as it had been before, but an odd shade of green. But most importantly, he had somehow gotten psychic abilities. He could sense things and people halfway across the country, as long as he knew exactly what he was looking for. And that was exactly what they needed to solve the mystery about the war, and more importantly, the space ships.  
Over the months they had found out almost everything they needed to reconstruct at least the basics of what had happened:

The criminal, John Harrison, whose code-name was KHAN, was a former agent of some super secret US military organisation called B.O.T.A.N.Y. -whatever the letters meant. He had obviously found a way to travel through space without having to comply with the laws of physics. Thus, he had helped the military of various states in Europe, the USA and Russia to build space ships which were able to leave the galaxy and travel to faraway worlds. However, he had earned their government's trust and somehow managed to get his fingers on a nuclear warhead, stored by the US military. For some unknown reason, he had used it to destroy Berlin. The panic spread quickly, and war broke out before the president had a chance to clear his name. It had only taken a few days to completely destroy one-third of the whole world; governments, states, military, none of them were relevant anymore, after whole countries were wiped out. Chaos had risen to rule the world.

Of course, they still had the spaceships. Since they were only prototypes, they were small and could only fit for a few hundred people. As soon as the second atomic bomb was being dropped, politicians, kings and queens, and the wealthy had all left the planet as soon as they could, together with Khan himself, the one responsible for billions of deaths.

James T. Kirk had found one of those spaceships. It wasn't completed yet, but with a lot of work, it would one day be able to fly. And Chris Pike had been the one who believed that they would find a way to get it done. That they would one day be able to leave the planet and find another home, another world where they could rebuild what they had lost. Where a brighter future was waiting for them. And if the documents were right, there had to be a planet just like Earth, the one Khan and the others had set off to find. Most of the other survivors called them crazy, and continued living in the shelter they had built for them but refused to help them. Luckily he had this team of people who knew what they were doing, and with them it was all but impossible to get the beautiful Lady Enterprise, how Scotty had called the ship, into the sky.  
Jim stopped his motorbike just in front of a huge building, looking around warily before he waved at the cameras that were installed right over the ridiculously small entry. The steel door opened with a high pitched sound, hinges which hadn't been oiled since the day they had been forged. Two men, clad in the red gown of those who volunteered as security and who knew best how to use a weapon, stepped outside, gesturing him to get in. While one of them took care of his bike, the other watched out for eventual monsters who were daring or hungry enough to hunt in what one might call 'daylight'.

"What is it?" His voice echoed through the large room. Once he stepped inside, he found the whole group gathered around a round table, covered in documents, note pads and photographs. They all looked at Pike, who greeted him with what was the brightest smile he had ever seen on his face. "We have found something you might find interesting…"

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Leonard McCoy hated to see death around him, and he hated knowing how easy it was to join the billions of others. He hated how quickly one could become just another corpse lying around on the ground, always staring at the sky, with unmoving eyes, should those monsters actually leave you with eyes to look with. He hated the ground he was walking on: dry, dusty and dead, just like everything around him. Even the trees of what used to be a healthy forest once, were now brown and bald; their leaves fallen years ago and never grew again. The same went for the grass that should be everywhere. It was like the whole world had been turned into a desert without sand. It is no wonder all the animals had gone crazy and begun to eat humans, since there was nothing else they could eat, with the exclusion of themselves. And that was the thing he hated the most: cannibalism. Seeing people eat their own friends and family because they had nothing else left to eat was horrible. To some, cannibalism seemed like the only chance to survive. In his eyes, one lost his whole humanity once he began feeding on his own kind.

Frowning, he dispelled the terrible images from his mind and instead stared at the map in his hand. It was an old one, printed on yellowish, folded paper. The only electronic one he had found that still worked had not survived the last rain. Oh, and he hated the rain, because it wasn't the wonderful fresh, clean rain he had known from before "The Great Catastrophe" but one that was just as toxic as everything else; dark and sour. He had identified it as some weakly dosed acid, burning the skin and obviously being lethal to electronic devices and metallic items. Yet the forest through which he was travelling right now, shouldn't be there, at least if he could trust the map and so far it had not proved faulty. Forests were dangerous, more dangerous than the usual plain wasteland. There was always something between those trees, whether it be some monstrous spider trying to suck the life out of his body, or one of the wolves he had heard earlier.

But it was too late to turn back right now. He needed to keep going, otherwise he wouldn't reach the next town in time to avoid getting caught outside in the darkness. And everyone knows darkness meant certain death. There was no way one could survive being surrounded by hungry animals without at least a bit of light to aim and kill, should it be necessary. Shaking his head he made a mental note to stop using the word 'survive' at least for a little while, since it seemed as if every single thought was somehow connected to it. But it was probably his fate to keep repeating the word over and over again in his mind, until the day he wouldn't be able to get away with his life. Jim had been talking about this starship for a while now. A starship that meant escape from this harsh world, but Bones wasn't one to believe in foolish dreams. Not anymore. He believed that the kid was sure about what he was saying, but the doctor just didn't believe in the opportunity to find a way to a better world. To him, it sounded like something a parent would tell their child to make it feel better, just as he had done it with Joanna.

A sound made him abandon every single thought immediately; he dropped the map and reached for the gun, turning around to identify whatever was there. Mere seconds later he saw something jump at him out of the corner of his eye and he instinctively pulled the trigger, hitting whatever it was before it could reach his face. He shot a second time, as the thing hit the ground. One could never be too sure if something was really dead or just wounded, ready to attack again with strength found in a creature on the brink of death.

It was a squirrel, or at least what had been a squirrel once. Once Leonard was certain it was dead, he picked it up, deciding that he could eat it for dinner. He waited a moment to make sure that nothing else would leap out of the dead woods, before slowly putting his gun away and picking up the map, proceeding on his way.

It took him only about an hour to get out of the forest and the feeling of relief grew even more intense once he could see the first buildings in the distance. Still, he didn't speed up his steps because he knew the town seemed closer than it actually was, and it would be foolish to exhaust himself before he had reached a reasonably safe place to stay overnight. Still, after another two hours of nonstop walking, he felt he had brought enough distance between himself and the woods, and took advantage of the new surroundings to let his guard down for a moment to search his bag for the communication device Jim had handed him when they first parted ways. Leonard was almost surprised to see it actually displayed a new message. It was unusual for the other to text him after two days already and his right eyebrow almost hit his hairline as he read the few words. "Bones. Need to talk to u. Now." It was all the message said, and with a sigh he secured the squirrel to his bag before shouldering it again. Hitting the few buttons, he impatiently waited for Jim to take the call while he continued walking down the barely visible path.

"Goddamnit Jim! It better be something important because I'm not your fucking nanny you can call whenever you got your ass…" He growled, but before he could even finish his sentence, a very excited Jim Kirk interrupted him. "Don't worry, it's important. And you won't believe me, Bones." He paused, and the doctor wished for a moment that the other could see him roll his eyes, because it wasn't like they were living in a world were being outside and letting himself get distracted were a deathly combination, not at all. "Spit it out already!" He had almost reached the edge of the small town, his free hand once again ghosting over the cold metal of his gun, because he was sure he had seen something move. It could've been his imagination, but he liked to be sure.

"I told you about the Enterprise, right? We got it running. The ship is actually flying! And Scotty said we'll be able to leave once we found out where to go. Uhura has translated the last transmissions between the European Union and the USA and we know now that Khan had something like a compass. We dunno what it is though, but we'll find it out." The older man frowned, trying to make sense of what the other was saying. "You mean, you'll really get us off this damn planet?" It sounded almost too good to be true, the first good news since, well, the apocalypse itself. "But how the hell is his compass supposed to help us? He's been gone for years now, Jim!" Maybe the others were just getting insane after all. He wasn't quite sure if he could still be called sane, travelling through this wasteland on his own, trying to find something without knowing what exactly he was looking for, haunted by the same nightmares every night.  
"'Cause it's still here! Spock's sure about it and Nyota said he's right. Whatever kind of compass it is, he's lost it and then he had to leave without it. You know Spock's ability. As soon as Nyota finds out what it is we're looking for, we're outta here! Can you believe it? We're going to go somewhere nice. Without mutated monster animals and tons of corpses lying around in houses as if they're waiting to get up again…" No, Leonard couldn't believe it but there was something inside his chest, something he had thought lost for quite a while now. Hope. "You better get your handsome ass down here immediately, 'cause Pike is already getting everybody to pack…"

A sudden noise interrupted them both and the doctor spun around, quickly grabbing his gun, pulling it out and unlocking it in one single, fluid motion. Another sound, a movement to his right and he stuffed the phone into his pocket without further explanation, because he knew Jim needed none. Slowly, step by step, he approached the corner of the building, holding the gun with both of his hands; his finger hovering over the trigger.

With one step he was around the corner, pointing the weapon at the figure in front of him, ready to shoot as… "Niet!" He froze as he realised that it wasn't some bloodthirsty animal he was threatening right now, but a human. The boy, stared at him with wide, fearful eyes, just like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Leonard guessed that he couldn't be older than sixteen, based on his looks. Blood oozed from a wound at his head and his clothes were torn apart and bloody as well, probably hiding another set of injuries. "Pleese. I do not haff anyzeng you vould vant…" His voice was high pitched, probably from pain or panic. Hell, the kid was shaking like crazy. He put his gun back, holding out his hands to symbolise he wasn't going to shoot, before he knelt down. The boy had spoken with a thick accent, Eastern Europe, the doctor deduced, which meant he was pretty far away from his home.

"I won't hurt you, kid." He probably still sounded like he was threatening the kid, only because he didn't have the need to talk gently to anyone for what seemed like an eternity. Nevertheless, the other was nodding in acknowledgment. "Just give me a moment and I'll make sure to get you somewhere safe." He stood up again, stepping back and pulling the communication device out of his pocket. "You still there, Jim? It's a kid, human obviously, but he's hurt bad and dawn's near." He heard a rustle on the other side of the line. "Sure thing Bones, just make sure to get here as quick as possible. If he's a nuisance, just leave him there." Leonard didn't answer, just ended the call, pushing the device back into his pocket.

Jim was right. He would leave for San Francisco the next day, but he could at least keep the kid alive for this one night. If it had been two years ago, he would have never just considered leaving the other alone to die here. But he had changed in those two years. He was still a doctor, and he would do his best to treat this kid. But if he wasn't able to come with him, he would not wait here and miss his only chance to get away from his certain death. "C'mon, kid. Let's find a place where we can hide away from the monsters…" he muttered, as he helped the curly-haired boy stand up. Once he realized the boy couldn't even walk properly, he just picked him up and pulled him into a cradle carry, only slightly surprised at how light he was.

* * *

Jim sighed as he put down his own communicator, staring at the small device for a moment before he heard steps behind him. "You are worried about him." It wasn't a question, it was a fact. There was no point in objecting to the statement because it was obvious that he was worried. The young, blue-eyed man usually hid his sorrow well, always wearing the more or less cheerful grin, because he had to make the others believe that he was fine. He felt like it was his responsibility to take care of the other survivors. He was the one who had brought them here, had gathered them, and had given them hope, feeding them with his own dreams. But he had never managed to hide anything from him, not his feelings, not the doubts, or the fear he had, to be wrong, to lead them to certain death and that his own hopes would be crushed beneath the force of reality.

"Yeah." He sighed again, the last bit of his faked smile falling off his face, as he leant back in his chair, closing his eyes, as he felt a gentle hand touch his hair, stroking through the blonde, messy strands. The touch was comforting and reassuring, sending nothing but gentle warmth through his whole body. "I'm afraid he'll do something stupid," he mumbled. Jim had felt worry creep up his chest the very moment Bones had mentioned a kid. He had seen how the other man got rid of his emotions, slowly but steadily turning from the most helpful man to someone with a heart of stone, and he wasn't sure if he appreciated it. But he wanted to have his best friend with him, for he couldn't just leave him here. There had been something in his voice, right after he had found the other survivor, that hadn't been there before. A hint of sympathy, pity. Maybe he was being reminded of the daughter he couldn't save, or maybe it was something else. Jim could only hope it wouldn't be strong enough to make his friend weak again.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" He looked up, his blue eyes searching the dark brown orbs of his lover. He reached out a hand to entwine his fingers with the other's, knowing that the touch alone was enough for the telepath to read every single thought on his mind. He didn't care, there were no secrets between them and he would make sure it stayed this way, even if it meant being vulnerable. "What if I'm wrong? What if we don't find the thing?" He had not told Bones that they needed the compass not only to guide their way through the galaxies, but also to complete the whole ship, because it would be unable to fly without the last pieces of information. Not even Scotty had been able to figure out what was left, though he had helped to work on the prototypes as well.

"They will forgive you. They believe in you as their leader. As Admiral Pike has put it, you are their only hope of change." Spock paused for a moment, his hand still combing through the other's soft hair. "The chance that we find what we are looking for is relatively high. If my calculations are correct and Miss Uhura's statement was correct, I would say around 75 percent." The small smile, settling on Jims lips was an honest one this time, as he raised his free hand to gently pull the other man down for a kiss. "I wouldn't know what I'd do without you, Spock." He mumbled softly before pressing their lips together in a short, sweet kiss. "And I didn't want a scientific answer to that question, it was a rhetorical one."

It was a bit odd, but somehow the radiation had not only given Spock three times the strength and speed of a normal person and a strong telepathy, but also changed his way of thinking: a highly logical one. He barely showed any emotion around others, with the exception of Jim. And he avoided all physical contact with other people, simply because his skin had become overly sensitive. Also, he needed only as much as a single touch to read someone's mind, something he considered a huge violation of privacy. "Forgive me; I assumed your question necessitated a proper response. If I may add further, there is no reason for you to believe you will have to live without me. I will most certainly do whatever lies within my realm of possibility to avoid a separation. It would not be to my advantage to lose my T'hy'la."

He had heard the word before, but Spock had not yet explained to him exactly what it meant or where it came from. It was probably some term of endearment, or an equivalent to the word 'lover', so he just accepted it. No matter what most people around him thought, he could be very patient if the matter on hand was worth it and everything concerning his boyfriend was most certainly worth the time it took. They didn't even have sex yet, and he was both proud and happy to have gotten the other to touch and kiss him on his own after only a few weeks of having admitted their feelings for each other.

A knock on the door tore them apart, Spock retreating a few steps and Jim immediately grabbing the sheets of paper one of the kids had brought them earlier. "Yeah." He turned around to face the door, not really surprised when another man in a red shirt stepped through it and into the small room. "What's up Scotty?" His usual grin was back on his lips immediately, almost as if it had never left. "Any good news you got for me? How's she running?"

The three-colour-system had been Pike's idea who, as a military man, tried to get some kind of order into the rapidly growing group of refugees. In the beginning Jim had found it completely stupid to invest time and effort into dyeing clothes, but it had proven useful after a while, since it was way easier to find the people one searched for. They had chosen blue for the scientists, the doctors and the nurses, and yellow, or gold, was for the command. Pike, Sulu, and Jim wore this colour, even though Jim preferred his plain black shirt and the old leather jacket. And red, red was for the security, the few engineers who were willing to help Scotty with completing the last works on the spaceship, and everybody else whose profession didn't quite fit into the other departments. The few children, who were either too young or had not yet decided where to help, were allowed to wear every colour other than those three.

"Aye Cap'n. I got her runnin all smooth an ready, but I canae do much more without the last codes." The blonde nodded. "Thank you, Scotty." He had gotten used to being called Captain, though he had no idea who had started it. Probably Pike, or maybe Scotty, who had immediately accepted him as his commanding officer. He would never admit it, but he liked the way his name sounded like this. Captain James T. Kirk. Just like his father, who had been a real Captain on a battleship. George Kirk had saved the lives of his entire crew as they were attacked by a group of terrorists, led by a man who called himself Nero. George had never met his newborn son, but he had left enough of an impression on most people that Jim had become some sort of a legend, even before he was born. He had hated it, had hated the pitiful glances, the people who called his father a hero, without even knowing him as a person, but he had dealt with it. And then, after the catastrophe, he had become his own man. People had forgotten about the old heroes, for it was more important to survive in this hostile world and the young Kirk had finally stepped out of his father's shadow. Now he was a hero in the eyes of those who followed Pike and him; he was the symbol of hope, but only because of what he had done, and not because of someone he used to call father but had never actually met.

He stood up, stepping towards the smaller man and laying a hand on his shoulder. "You've done a great job, Scotty. Don't worry, we'll get you those codes, just make sure she's ready to fly us out of here once we got it." He was right, without the help of the engineer the whole plan would've never worked out the way it should. They had had no idea how to work with the huge vessel they had found underneath the city of San Francisco. If someone had told him a few years ago about a huge spaceship hidden away a few levels under the Golden Gate Bridge, he would've laughed. It was funny how he was the one to tell the people about the faculty and their plan right now, convincing them that he was neither joking nor crazy in his head. But everything was crazy these days and after a few of those discoveries, he had just stopped wondering. He was just curious and wary of what would happen next.

"Ave Cap'n. If you allow I'm gettin some rest, feels like I haven't slept in a week." Jim nodded, let go of his shoulder, and watched him leave the room. "Do you still think I'm doing the right thing?" he asked, turning around to the man who hadn't said a word since the engineer had shown up. Spock simply raised an eyebrow, stepping closer and touching his fingers with two of his own, a gesture he considered just as intimate as an open mouthed kiss. "I'm getting their hopes high and when we don't find the thing, we're stuck here forever. They're gonna hate me, Spock…" He sighed, staring at the floor to his feet. It was downright ridiculous how cocky and annoying he was whenever someone else was around, yet in these moments when it was just the two of them, he felt like an open book, showing his weakness because he knew the other would find out about them anyway.

A slender finger touched his chin, forcing him gently to look up into those dark eyes. "Do you not trust in Miss Uhura's ability to translate and decode the transmissions?" Jim shook his head, with another sigh. "And do you not trust in my ability to find whatever device we are looking for?" Another shake of his head. "Of course I trust in both of you. Sorry if it sounds as if I doubt you." They stood in silence for a moment, before his lips curled into a grin and he leant forward, pressing his body flush against the other. "There's no chance you would let me seduce you right now, is there?" He mumbled as he pressed a kiss to Spock's neck, looking up at him with a hint of amusement in his eyes, as he felt the older man's body tense ever so slightly. "I would not advise it, Jim. Since it is still what you consider the middle of the day it would be most unfitting to engage in any kind of sexual activity." He paused as he met the gaze of those intense blue eyes. Clearing his throat he finally added, "I will not eliminate the possibility that your attempts to seduce me will prove successfully, once the day is over."

The grin on Jim's face spread even wider as he heard those words. "Awesome! Then how about we go see how Nyota's come so far?" And thus he just took his boyfriend's hand, pulling him out of the room and to the lift.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Leonard had carried the kid through half of the town, searching for a suitable place to hide. He came across a house with boarded up windows and a door made of quite resistant wood. He had carefully placed the boy on the bed before he had begun searching the house to make sure that there was nothing hidden inside that would come out and kill them once they dropped their guard. Once he was finished he returned to the bedroom, his gaze immediately focused on the whimpering kid. "Undress," he ordered gruffly, dropping his bag on the floor and gathering his equipment so he would at least be able to dress the other's wounds. As he looked up, he saw that the boy hadn't moved a muscle, just sat there, staring at him with his wide, innocent eyes. "I said get out of these clothes, if you don't want to bleed to death." Maybe the kid was too shocked to understand what he was saying, or maybe his English wasn't good enough. But whatever it was, Leonard was getting impatient. With two steps he crossed the room, sitting down next to the kid and began to pull his shirt over his head, not surprised as the other struggled to get out of his reach. "V-Vhat are you doing?"

The doctor shook his head and pointed towards himself. "I." He spoke slowly, just in case the other really had difficulties understanding his language. "I am a doctor. I will help you. But you will have to do as I tell you." Well if that didn't sound like he was some sort of pedophiliac pervert, he didn't know what would. But at least the boy seemed to understand. "You do not haff to speek like zis." He muttered, as he pulled the shirt over his head, wincing in pain at the movement and revealing his pale upper body. Leonard stared at him for a little moment, almost shocked to see the many scars covering the other's body, beneath the open scratches along his side. His first thought was that the kid must've been attacked a few times already, yet most of the healed wounds showed absolutely no similarity to what he knew as animal-inflicted wounds. Instead he found a long line of cuts, evenly spread over his flat stomach, two holes he immediately recognised as bullet wounds. The kid also had something that looked like the marks an infusion needle would leave behind, only the kid had them everywhere: along his arms, and around his rosy nipples. It almost reminded him of some morbid drawing, and he felt sick as he asked himself who would do something like that to a kid like him.

He quickly cleaned and dressed the wounds at his temple and his side, carefully washing away the blood and dirt covering the delicate skin. He was beautiful. It was a weird thought that crossed his mind, but he couldn't deny it. Once the kid was no longer looking as bloody and beaten as he had a few minutes ago, one could see that he was downright gorgeous. He was thin, too thin, but Bones could see and feel the muscles under his pale skin. His face was almost a bit androgynous: thin lips, high cheekbones and huge, greenish-blue eyes. Surrounded by a mess of blonde curls, he could've passed as an angel if it weren't for the scars and the dirt that McCoy hadn't been able to wash away.

He gently ran his hands over the other's body, trying to see if he had any broken bones or other interior injuries, only to feel the kid wince under his touch. "What is it?" he asked, looking up as he didn't get an answer, only to see his cheeks were flushed and he had his eyes pressed shut. Oh, no. The kid wasn't getting a hard on just because he touched him, right? Bones shook his head, unwilling to believe it, but once he managed to get the kid out of the muddy jeans, he couldn't help but notice the bulge in his shorts. He shook his head, trying to silence the voice in the back of his head, telling him how sick it was that he, an old man who had just happened to pass by, was getting such a reaction from the kid. Instead he continued on his way, surprised at how long and trained the other's legs were, like those of a runner. He stopped immediately as the kid whimpered in pain and instead focused on his right ankle. Running his fingers over it again, this time more careful he could feel the way the bones bent in a way that shouldn't be possible. Definitely broken, maybe even splintered. Well so much for the question of whether or not he would be able to take the kid to SanFran with him.

The older man couldn't tell where this pang of regret in his chest came from, maybe it was the way those eyes looked at him, almost pleading and begging for him to do something to make the pain go away. Leonard tried to move the kid's foot, only to gain another whimper and he hurried to bandage it tightly enough so the boy wouldn't accidentally move it. Not that he would be able to survive for long, alone, hurt and obviously without weapons, but he forbade himself to think about it any further. "I- I am sorry." It was only a quiet whisper, but the kid was already sitting up again, hugging himself, clearly embarrassed by his body's reaction to the other man's touch. "And zank you. Most people vould haff let me die zere. But you haff sawed me, mester." Oh yeah, kid, salt for his wounds, that was exactly what he needed right now… Leonard shook his head, averting his eyes to not openly stare at the other's crotch. "I've done nothing. I'm gonna leave you here alone tomorrow, cause I got a flight to catch." But the other shook his head, a small smile spreading over his sinful lips. "But vone more day to liwe is better zan none." He coughed; his voice hoarse and Leonard sighed, asking himself why he was doing this, as he handed him the bottle of water. "Drink. It's clean. And then take care of your hard-on." He didn't listen to the kid's answer, standing up and heading for the entry hall, to make sure the door was locked and secure.

* * *

Night was falling fast and the only light they had to keep the darkness away was the small electric fire Jim had given to him as a present once. He had shared his food with the kid, in fact he had fed him three of his usual daily rations, but he had still looked hungry. Now he was staring again, watching the other shiver in the cold that seeped through his clothes. With a sigh he reached out and carefully pulled the kid towards him until he was sitting between Leonard's legs so that the older one could wrap his arms around him. He didn't know why exactly he was doing this, but there was just something the kid had that revived some long forgotten instinct inside him. For a few minutes everything seemed alright, the boy stopped shaking and his breathing became more regular, he could almost feel him getting sleepy as he leaned against the older man's chest.

Then the howling began. Leonard wasn't surprised as the kid winced, pressing himself against him and started shivering all over again, the fear visible on his face. "Wolves." He stated, feeling the other nod hastily. "They were the ones to attack you?" Another nod and Leonard sighed. It would obviously be a long night and he was pretty sure those beasts were getting closer. He could hear at least five different howls, but it was probably even more of them and they seemed to know exactly where the humans were hiding away.

"Tell me something about you, kid." He kept his voice low, trying to distract the other from the animals that gathered around them, as well as trying to distract himself from the images clouding his minds: images of glowing eyes in the dark and hungry teeth tearing the kid apart.

"My name is Pavel. Not kid. Pavel Chekov. Or at leest zat is ze name I haff giwen myself." He hesitated and Leonard pulled him closer, resting his chin on the other's shoulder. "More. Tell me how old you are. How you ended up here. What happened to you and your family during the great catastrophe." Pavel breathed deeply, as if he was steeling himself for what he was going to tell and Leonard thought how much of a coward he himself was. He never told Jim what exactly had happened, even though Jim had seen the two corpses so he probably knew most of the story. But he had never said a single word about it. The Russian began to talk and he forced his thoughts to shut up.

"I am sewenteen, almost eighteen in September. I am here because I vas running avay from ze men vho vere searching for me." He hesitated for a moment before he obviously decided to begin somewhere else. "I am from Russia, Taganrog, but you haff probably newer heerd of zat place. I do not remember my parents, or ef I ewen haff parents. Ze first zing I remember is ze place vhere I grew up. Et vas a cold place, ze ground vas vhite and beton, ze valls vere made of steel. Ze beds vere uncomfortable, not much more zan a zin mattress and te room vas so small zat you vould maybe call et a prison. Ewery morning zey took me out of ze room and into anozer, much larger room, full of computers and ozer dewises. Zen zey taught me eweryzeng I know. And I helped zem. I haff done eweryzeng zey aked from me, because I had no idea vhat else to do. From time to time zey vould let me outside so I could run a bit but always in ze courtyard so I vould not run avay."

He stopped and Leonard noticed that he had begun stroking his hair somewhere through his story. Promply letting his hand fall down, he cleared his throat. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, kiddo." But Pavel shook his head. "Is alright. Talking is better zen being all alone," the younger assured him, before he began talking once again. "I haff alvays been alone. I only knew ze men vho brought me from my room to ze place vhere I leerned and to ze yard and ze voman vho taught me about everyzeng. But zen vone day ze man came and told me to show him vhat I haff leerned. And zen ze apocalypse happened. And ewerybody vas suddenly dead. And ze man came again to take me avay and he took me on ze plane to Amerika. But I did not vant to go viz him so I haff tried to escape and on ze airport here I got avay. I did not know vhere I vanted to go, because I had no idea vhere I vas but et vas not important. Zen I met Irina, a wery nice voman vho helped me and ve liwed togezer for a vhile. But zen…" He gulped, obviously finding it more difficult to talk about whatever happened next. "Zen ze monsters haff found us. Zey killed her and- and ate her and zen zey tried to kill me but I ran avay. I can run wery fast if I vant but zey vere faster. And zen you came and sawed my life."

It was a bit odd, since Leonard had seen no trace of the beasts when he had first entered the town and found the boy, but he didn't think about it too much. The kid was in shock, he was hurt and if his story was true, then his life had been horrible all in all. He didn't ask what exactly they had taught him in this facility, though he had the weird feeling that it was important to know about it. But he didn't want to torment the other any further and instead decided to tell the kid about himself. Not that he knew why exactly he felt like he could trust the other, maybe because it was just this one night and then he would never see him again. Somehow, he just knew it was the right thing to do.

"I lost my wife and my daughter through the catastrophe. I was a countryside doctor in Georgia, happily married and we had a beautiful house, with a huge dog and everything I've ever wished for. We had just celebrated her sixth birthday when it had happened. Her mother died right away because she didn't have the a-gene, so it was only Joanna and I left. I thought we would be able to make it but then the animals started mutating. She had obviously tried to play with the dog and he… he tore her apart." Leonard fell silent for a moment, feeling hot tears on his cheeks and gentle fingers brushing them away. "Is okay. Is okay to cry, you haff lowed zem much." The kid whispered into his ear, his warmth more comforting than anything Leonard had found during the last two years.

"I killed my dog because it almost killed me. I was okay with dying back then but I made it because some crazy guy on a motorbike showed up and saved my ass. Jim dragged me out of there and when I woke up and wanted to go back to my family to kill myself, he punched some sense into me. We left together and he asked me if I wanted to come with him, because he and his equally crazy mentor had started to build some kind of organisation together with other survivors, but I declined. I needed some time alone." He shrugged, the fingers still lingering on his cheeks but he didn't mind. "I've survived on my own for almost two years now, killing everything that wanted to kill me and meeting up with Jim from time to time and now." Silence fell over them again as he finished, unsure whether he should tell the kid why he would leave him alone the other day. "I am sorry."

He raised an eyebrow and looked at the kid questioningly, though he barely even saw him in the dim light. "You haff lowed your vife and daughter so much. I am sorry because you lost zem." Leonard shrugged again. "It's not your fault, kiddo. It's the fault of this goddamn lunatic who had nothing else to do but play with nuclear weapons and then disappear so he wouldn't have to face the mess he made." He could feel the kid flinch at his harsh words. "If you vould find ze vone vho is responsible for ze apocalypse, you vould kill him, right?" His words sounded so earnest, and yet his voice was shaking.

"I wouldn't just kill him. If there's a thing he loves, I'd take it away and kill it first to show him how that feels. Then I'd kill him, slowly, painfully. I might be a doctor, but that just means I know how much a human body can take."

It was the last thing he said in that night; the boy was staying quiet and only the wolves were still howling. Neither one of them cared, both too lost in their thoughts. He didn't even notice how he fell asleep, leant against the wall on his back with the teenager snuggled against him.

* * *

He awoke with a start as he heard a voice calling out his name, and felt a gentle hand on his arm. "Len, Lyonya, you should vake up." Within seconds he was on his feet, looking around warily and searching for his gun, fear creeping into his heart as he didn't find it. But then he saw the kid, sitting on the ground and staring at him with his wide eyes, and he remembered. He remembered about last night, their taking and how comfortable he had felt, with the other's body in his arms. Focus! Through the small openings between the planks that covered the windows, he could see the yellowish twilight seeping in and he cursed, realising that it was probably already past noon. On one hand he wanted to blame the boy for that, but on the other hand… it had been the first time in two years that he had slept without being haunted by nightmares. In fact, he had not dreamt at all this night, or at least he couldn't remember any dreams, so he should probably thank Pavel. _Yeah, thank him and then leave him here to die…_ his inner voice whispered into his ear. _Nice way to go._

He shook his head, looking down at the kid once more. "Where is my gun?" What had he called him? Lyonya? The word had sounded unfamiliar but somehow he liked its sound, especially when uttered by this young man. He pushed the thought aside as he waited for an answer. "I haff put it into your bag. Togezer viz your ozer belongings because you vanted to leeve today." How innocent he sounded. It surprised Leonard how okay the other seemed with him going away and just leaving him here. He probably just had nothing else to live for and was content to have spent his last hours with someone instead of being alone in the street, waiting until the monsters came to eat him alive.

"It's alright." He muttered, pulling the weapon out his bag to make sure it was still loaded before he tucked it into his holster. Then he realised the kid was still watching him; quietly leaning against the wall and watching him, getting ready to leave. Suddenly his throat was dry as sand and he had no idea what to say to the kid. _Goodbye? Nice to have met you here? Good luck with surviving on your own with a broken ankle and two fresh wounds?_ He shook his head before he knelt down in front of the kid, looking into his impressive eyes, which seemed to hold so much more knowledge than one would think. "I'm sorry. If I had more time I'd definitely stay with you and make sure you get back on your feet, kiddo. But you know, Jim found a way to get off this planet and hell, it sounds crazy but I would do anything to get outta here. And if I stay with you, we'll both die here sooner or later…"

It sounded even worse than he had thought, egoistic and heartless, but there was still a smile forming on the Russian's lips. "Is alright. I hope you vill be happy vherewer you go." And then he surprised the older man, catching him completely off guard, as he pulled him closer and pressed a forceful kiss onto his mouth. Letting go again, he chuckled quietly. "I am sorry, I haff newer done zat before." And for a little moment, the blink of an eye, he saw something flicker through those eyes, something he had been waiting for all the time. Fear.

Leonard stood up, turning his back to the kid without another word and grabbed his bag. "I'd say you should be more careful around old men, they tend to misunderstand gestures like this. But I doubt you'll ever meet another old man like me, so I'll forgive you for now," he muttered, throwing one last glance at the teen before leaving the room and heading downstairs. A weird feeling bubbled up in his stomach, spreading through his whole body and making every single step seem like a mile to him. He knew this feeling, he had known it before his wife died and he refused to name it, telling himself that he was just lonely and sexually frustrated. Spending two years in this wasteland, his only company was his gun and Jim from time to time. It was just his hormones playing a trick on him, and he couldn't deny that Pavel's body was gorgeous.

 _I am sorry, I haff newer done zat before._ Leonard cursed himself under his breath and turned around, clenching his fists, as he made his way up the stairs again and stepped through the door. "You haff forgotten somezeng?" The Russian blinked in surprise, obviously not having expected to see him again. He was still sitting in exactly the same position as before but he had begun scratching line of numbers and symbols into the floor to his feet. "It's too late. I won't reach the next town until sunset, so I'll have to stay for another night." Leonard lied and he knew exactly that the other was probably fully aware of it being nothing more than an excuse to stay. "Oh." It was all he said, but the smile returned to his features and for a few seconds, the doctor felt as if this smile alone was worth it.

 _Only one more day._ He would make sure to redo the bandages later and the next day he would definitely leave without feeling guilty. He told himself this over and over again, as he began picking his weapons apart to clean them, because he had nothing else to do. He felt the boy watching him, knew he was staring at his hands, working skillfully and quickly, thanks to the routine he had earned during the last two years. "You know, Lyonya. I zink et vould be a shame if I died as a wirgin." McCoy's eyebrow shot up as his hands stopped abruptly what they had been doing, but he didn't look up, didn't want to see the look in this angelic face. "Reelly. I haff alvays vondered vhat it vould feel like."

The older man slowly reassembled the gun he had been working on, deliberately putting it back into his backpack, before he finally looked up. "You don't know what you're talking about, kiddo. Just 'cause you're gonna die and you've never had sex before, doesn't mean you have to ask the first person you meet to fuck you." The Russian tilted his head, his expression still only thoughtful and serious. "But I like you. You are ze most handsome man I haff ewer seen and you are wery kind. You haff held me ze vhole night, talked my feer away and you know more about me zan anyone else does. Your woice makes me feel hot, just as your touch has. And I vas feeling wery happy vhen you haff come back to stay a bet longer. Is zat not reason enough?"

Leonard groaned as the voice in the back of his head sided with the kid. _Isn't that exactly what you stayed for? You're leaving him anyway. Do you want him to die without knowing how good it feels to be with someone? And you want him too, right? Look at him, he's beautiful, he's young and he wants you._  
  
"Pleese." The boy purred into his ear, pressing him down to the floor and Bones didn't even understand how he managed to cross the room so fast with his broken ankle, but right now he had more important matters on his hand. A hot mouth claimed his own, sinful lips moving against his own and he knew that resistance was futile. "Oh, like hell I'm gonna let a virgin boy take control…" he growled, breaking the kiss to grab the kid and roll him over, switching their positions. He tried to be careful with his wounds and made sure not to touch his ankle or the wound at his side in the process. "No regrets in the morning. No whining or begging when I'm leaving, kid." His voice dropped lower with every syllable, as he used his weight to hold the other down, running his hands over the other's beautiful body.

A hasty nod was all he needed and before Pavel could say a word, his lips were sealed by another forceful, passionate kiss. McCoy considered the bed for a little moment but there was absolutely no way he would stop now to maneuver them both to the other end of the room. A crazy thought crossed his mind as he broke the kiss to let the other breathe. He leant down to lick his way down Pavel's neck and with every kiss he pressed to that delicious, pale skin, he whispered another line of a song he still knew by heart after what felt like ages: "I want to lay you on a bed of roses." He dropped lower, his hands searching their way under the blood stained shirt. "For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails." He began to suck on the delicate collarbone, leaving a proud, red mark behind. "I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is…" He heard the kid whimper underneath him, as he freed him of his shirt, immediately attacking those rosy, perky nipples. "And lay you down on bed of roses." His southern drawl got thicker with every word, and the soft moans and whines of pleasure he elicited from the gorgeous Russian were music to his ears.

He couldn't quite tell why this one song was set on repeat inside his head, but he continued humming once he licked a trail down the kid's flat stomach, down to the rock-hard cock waiting for his attention. Looking up through his half-lidded eyes, a grin spread over his face, as he drowned in the mesmerizing sight. Pavel's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were closed. His head was thrown back, baring his neck, spotted with the marks Leonard's teeth had left behind. His bare skin was covered with a thin layer of sweat and he was biting his bottom lip in a useless effort to keep his voice at bay. Watching the kid sent his blood straight down to his groin, creating a pleasurable haze inside his head as he continued his way, pushing down the Russian's jeans and shorts down to his ankles. It was marvellous how perfect he was, even with those scars covering his whole body, how he managed to keep his skin so soft through all these years of hardship.

"H-Hurry…" it was a plea he surely wouldn't disappoint, running his fingers teasingly over the other's erection before he began to rhythmically stroke the hardened flesh. Without much of a second thought he spit into his unoccupied hand before he lifted the kid's ass onto his lap and began rubbing his saliva coated fingers around his entrance. He earned a gasp and a strangled moan of pain as he rammed his first finger inside but the young man still begged for more, his voice an almost incomprehensible mixture of broken English and Russian, fueling the fire inside the older man's veins only further. After a few seconds of stretching he added a second finger, quickly followed by a third while the heat and incredible tightness around the digits alone was enough to drive him crazy. He had no idea how he was supposed to fit in there, without breaking the boy, but the thought was torn from his mind as the kid began pressing himself against him, his words like a siren's song to the older man. "Pleese… Len. Lyonya… I vant you."

Leonard could almost feel the last bit of his self-restraint fall apart as he pulled his fingers back and crawled on top of the kid once again, to catch his lips in a bruising, possessive kiss. His skilled hands were suddenly so much clumsier, as he had to blindly rid himself of his belt and unbutton his trousers. There was no time to unlace his shoes and step out of the pants, so he simply pushed them down to his knees, using another mouthful of spit to coat his throbbing arousal. He sucked the other's bottom lip into his mouth as he guided himself to Pavel's entrance, muffling the kids scream as he pushed into the tight. He had almost forgotten how incredible it felt to have his cock swallowed up like this, buried inside a willing, pliant body and really it felt so damn good. He had to break the kiss to let them both breathe and he could barely control himself as the kid began uttering those high pitched gasps. His eyes grew dark with want, Pavel looked up at him through those long, girlish lashes. "Lyonya…" the word burned its way into his heart, but he refused to admit what the kid was doing to him, instead he curved his hands around the slim hips as he let his lips hover less than an inch away from the kid's ear. "Ready for me, baby?"

"Da. Yes, yess pleese." Another smug grin lingered on the older man's lips for a few seconds, as he pulled almost all the way out and slamed back in, pressing them flush against each other. He repeated the movement over and over again, his fingers digging into the other's hips, leaving another set of bruises behind but neither one cared. He didn't understand the words falling from the other's mouth but he could guess their meaning, as the boy pushed back against him, spreading his legs even wider than what should be possible to get him deeper inside. He caught the other's hand before he could start stroking himself. As Leonard fucked him harder, he wrapped his own hand around the slender cock. It didn't take much more than a few pulls until the kid had reached his limit, gasping and moaning loudly, his cum coating the doctor's hand and his own stomach as his muscles contracted around Leonard. "Fuck." Groaning, he quickened his pace, slammed inside the tensing and pulsing body as he felt himself near the edge. Another few thrusts and he couldn't hold it any longer, burying himself as deep as possible inside the younger man as his orgasm hit him.

_I want to lay you down on a bed of roses_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

"Three days. What the hell is he doing out there?" Jim slammed the communicator down on the table, the look in his face one even Spock wouldn't be able to decipher completely. For the first time in quite a while he felt overly worried and afraid. Of course, contrary to popular belief, he actually worried a lot: about their mission, about the people who believed in him, about his friends, and of course, he had even worried about Bones before. But he had always been confident that the older man would make it: he was strong, skilled, and had an iron will to survive. But he had promised to show up. Jim knew the other man wanted to leave this planet as badly as they wanted and there was absolutely nothing that should be able to keep him from reaching San Francisco in time, not if he took the route he had planned for him.

"I bet it's that kid he was talking about," he muttered as he began pacing his office once again. Not that he was in any way jealous, but it surprised him that some stranger should be able to find a way into the doctor's heart. It had taken him weeks to get the doctor to trust him completely; it seemed impossible that someone should get there in a few days.

He imagined what Spock would say right now, how he would tell him not to worry, because it was the doctor's own decision if he joined their journey or if he stayed. But Jim couldn't accept it. How could he leave his best friend on a planet where his life would be a short, cruel one, if they had the chance to find something better? Together? With a sigh he turned to face the door and considered to go out and search his boyfriend, though he knew exactly how the other would react to his 'illogical amount of sorrow and worry', as he used to describe it.

"From what you have told me, the doctor should be more than capable of reaching this facility in time, Jim. Should he not make it, he has most likely decided to stay. Whatever reason he has, I am not sure you would be able to convince him otherwise, considering he is a 'grumpy and headstrong' person." He sighed again, sitting down on the edge of his desk, pinching the top of his nose in thought. What if he just went to collect the older man? They probably didn't have the time, Uhura was almost finished with translating and Spock had already locked himself away to meditate, so he would be able to seek out whatever they were looking for. Sulu was busy getting the shuttle ready to leave, once they found it out and everybody else was getting ready to leave. Pike had ordered everyone to move their belongings on the ship and get used to their positions on the ship.

Time. Only a few weeks ago they had enough of it. Now they were running out and nothing Jim could do would change that. He didn't want them to leave without Bones. Spock wouldn't let him stay here; he was the Captain, the most important person on that ship, because he was the one the people trusted in. Would he not leave with them, they would think he was sending them away to a place he never actually believed in. "Damnit Bones! You're a doctor not a babysitter!" He hit his desk in frustration, just as someone knocked on the door. "What is it?" His voice was harsher than he had actually planned and he regretted it immediately, as Miss Janice Rand entered, looking almost unsettled by his tone.

"Sorry, Janice. What is it?" He asked her, the best apologetic smile he could muster on his face, as he grabbed the communication device from his desk. "Miss Uhura wants to see you, sir. She said she has finally translated and decoded the last part of the transmission she was working on." With a jump he was on his feet, grabbing the poor woman's shoulders in excitement. "This is great news! Go and tell her I'll be down there in an instant!" The feeling of triumph mixed with the anxiety inside his mind as he watched her go. Now it all depended on Spock to find their compass and on them to bring him here without damaging it. And to hope that it was still out there and not destroyed by the rain, or something else.

"C'mon Bones." He tried it tried to reach his friend, but the connection was dead. Either the other's device was destroyed, or he had lost it somewhere, because there was no way he wouldn't answer if he could. With a curse on his lips he buried the communicator in his pocket before leaving his office, his hurried steps echoing loudly through the corridor.

As he finally reached the conference room where Nyota had been working on the transmission for the past few days, he once again found every single member of his team gathered, with the only exception that Spock was missing this time, obviously occupied by trying to find their device. But this time, nobody seemed as cheerful as he had expected. Instead, one could almost feel the sorrow and tension in the air. "What is it?" he said, frowning as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him, before he approached the large table. The silence was even more unsettling than the loud arguing he had witnessed earlier. Pike gestured him to join him and Sulu.

"You have been informed that the talented Miss Uhura has been able to translate the last part of our transmission? And I think you figured that Mister Spock has already begun searching for our ticket out of here?" Jim nodded lightly, looking from one face to the other because he wasn't quite sure what to make of the worried expressions. "Yeah. Means we can finally get our map and the last codes to make it out of here, right?" This time it was Uhura who spoke up, rounding the table, in her hand something that looked like a printed photograph.

"Well it would be way easier if what we are looking for really was just a piece of information, or a device." She paused, earning a nod from Pike, who looked like all his hopes had been crushed underneath a whole mountains of 'but's. "What do you mean it's not a thing?" Jim looked around in confusion. "Why can't you just tell me what's up? There's no reason to make it a huge secret you know!"

Nyota looked as if she felt a very strong urge to punch him right now, but instead she just continued. "What I wanted to say, is that we have no idea if our 'compass' is still alive." Jim opened his mouth to say something, but the words were stuck inside his throat, as the woman showed him the photo in her hands. And suddenly he understood why everybody was so fucking desperate right now. He felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife, only to rub salt into his wound right after pulling it out again. Wonderful. Now his best friend was somewhere, obviously not interested in joining them anymore and their last hope of getting away from this planet was probably already lying somewhere, empty eyes staring into the sky and all the information lost beyond recall.

"Fuck."

* * *

Three days. Three days had passed since he had talked to Jim, ever since he had found the kid in that alley. Two days since he had first fucked him. McCoy hadn't intended to stay; he should've been in SanFran by now but instead he was lying here, naked and next to this Russian genius in a bed that wasn't his. _One more day._ That's what he had said. Just one more day to make sure the kid wouldn't die without a fighting chance. And every day he had found another excuse. Not that he was in any way able to fool the kid, or himself, but it was necessary. Leonard wasn't ready to admit what exactly he was doing here.

He couldn't go. With a sigh he turned around to look at his newfound lover, or rather at the soft curve of his back, as he was lying on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow. He wouldn't be able to let go of this one. The kid had something that chained the doctor to him, and it wasn't just the mind blowing sex. Well maybe it was part of the whole issue, but he was fascinating to the older man. The way Pavel wanted to know everything about whatever topic he chose. The way he looked at him when Leonard began telling about his life, about how the world was before the apocalypse, about the places he had visited. Or simply about the way the sky looked: the wonderful fluffy white clouds or the stars. The kid knew none of that. He had never seen a thing of the world before The Great Catastrophe, locked away in that facility in southern Russia, all alone with the computers and books he had been forced to work with.

Leonard had tried to ban the word from his mind, but there was no other way to describe what he was feeling for the kid. It was love. He had never loved anybody like this before, even though he believed to have loved his wife and daughter above everything else. It was a different kind of love, not such a gentle and sweet love, but a possessive one. Whenever he looked at the kid, he wanted to have him close, wanted to make sure there was nothing else but him on his mind. He wanted to show Pasha the world and at the same time protect him from everything else that might cause him any harm. He knew he wouldn't be able to let him go. They would either leave this planet together, or they were staying here. Even if it meant a short life in a dead wasteland, it was better than being on a ship, or finding another planet without him by his side.

He shook his head. Hell, when had he become such a romantic person? Leonard ran his fingers over the smooth skin, tracing his spine until he arrived at Pasha's neck. He had noticed the huge scar before; the scar that was unable to hide the tattoo completely that had been underneath it. He wasn't able to call it ugly, after all, every part of this lean body was perfect. But it looked so painful, as if someone had tried to cut the tattoo out with a knife that was barely sharp enough to tear through the skin. The sight alone made him mad, made him want to hurt and to kill because no one should do something like that to a child like him. He leant forward to kiss the uneven skin, trailing the edges with his tongue. From the way the scar looked, he almost suspected the kid to have cut it out himself, over his shoulder, trying to erase the memory that was inked into his skin.

"Zey gawe et to me vhen I vas fiwe." The doctor paused to look up but the kid still hadn't moved, still hiding his face in the pillow. He eyed the tattoo again. Only the first letter was left; whoever had tried to cut it out had obviously stopped there, probably because of the huge blood loss such a wound caused. "Tell me about it." He whispered, stroking the other's hair. "Don't force yourself but I'd like to hear the story behind it."

"I first zought I had done somezeng vrong or maybe zat zere vas a fire somevhere because zey voke me up in ze middle of ze night…

 _He was still a child, big questioning eyes staring at the guards who had thrown him out of bed and forced him to leave his small room. He didn't even have the time to slip into his shoes because they told him to hurry up. The stone under his feet was cold as he followed the guard, aware that every misstep would have its consequences. He was shivering, hugging himself, to get at least a little bit of warmth, but it was futile. They led him to a small room, one he had never been in before, with a door made of steel. It looked a bit like the one he was sent to whenever he had a headache or felt otherwise sick, and yet very different from the large room with the computers and large screens. The door opened with a high pitched sound and he was pushed inside. 'Lay down.' The man gestured towards an iron table and Pavel complied without a word, shivering even more because the metal was terribly cold against his bare skin.  
_  
 _There were instruments he didn't know, things he had never seen in his life, and the longer he had to wait the more anxious he got. He was scared. Every sound made him flinch, as he twisted his neck to be able to watch the door. Another man entered, one he had never seen before. The smile on his lips was a friendly one, faked though, but at least he didn't look as grim and mean as the others. Pavel relaxed a bit, tried to smile back through his tears and asked what was going on. But the man didn't answer; instead he gripped the boy's neck and forced his head down until his forehead was pressed against the table. He couldn't see what the man was doing, only heard him rustling behind the table and then a faint humming. "Relax," the deep voice said next to his ear. Then the pain began.  
_  
 _He screamed. He had never before felt such a horrible pain, it was as if his skin was being ripped open and sewn shut again. The taste of blood made him cough and he would've thrown up if there was anything in his stomach. He struggled, trying to get away but the man's grip just tightened until he couldn't breathe anymore. The pain and the lack of air were too much for him and he was thankful for the darkness that engulfed him, pulling him away from the tears, his raw throat, and the pain in his neck._  
  
"Ze next zing I know is zat I voke up in my room and I only vanted to die because eweryzeng hurt and I had a horrible heedache. And vhen I looked into ze mirror I saw ze mark on my neck." The doctor could feel him tense up and continued to caress his hair and neck, running a long finger over the scar. "Did you cut it out yourself?" The Russian nodded and Leonard felt another wave of sympathy and an irrational feeling of guilt taking over his mind. "Da. I did not vant to be reminded of vhat… of vho I vas and vhen I met Irina, I asked her for a knife. She gawe et to me but told me not to do anyzeng stupid. I found a broken mirror somevhere and tried to get rid of et. But I did not finish. Et vas bleeding too much and I lost consciousness again."

Leonard felt a lump in his throat and for the first time in years, he had no words left to say. There was so much pain in the kid's words, so much pain and defeat. Like he had accepted that he would never get rid of his past, that there would always be something to remind him of what he had gone through. That he never had a family or a childhood like he was supposed to. "I- I'll call Jim. Give me a moment." Pavel still didn't look up but nodded again and the doctor hurried to crawl out of the bed without crushing him in the process. There was no need to explain anything further, after all he had told the kid everything about Jim and his friends, how the man had saved him and had become his best friend.

Searching his bag for the communication device, he heard the wolves again. But right now he had more important matters to take care of. The comm showed at least five messages from his friend and Leonard felt bad for ignoring Jim so completely while he had been occupied with falling for a kid he had just met.

"Bones?" The other man sounded tired, surprised and relieved at the same time and his 'Who else, kid?' was followed by a moment of silence. The doctor could almost see the other's frown, the way his eyebrows were knitted and lips pressed together, once he heard the angry tone in his voice. "What the hell are you doing out there?! You should be here by now! You promised to hurry up! We're almost ready, we know what we're looking for and once Spock finds it, we're outta here! So please tell me that you're only a few hours away!" He felt a pang of regret, as he shook his head. "I'm about three days from your position." Another moment of silence. "You won't come." Leonard heard the shock and disbelief in his voice but he wouldn't back down right now. "No."

"It's this kid of yours, right? The guy has drugged you or something, Bones! There's no way you want to stay here, remember? You lost your wife and your little Joanna and now you're acting like a teenager just because you found someone to fuck?! Hell if I knew you were so desperate I would've volunteered, even if Spock would've probably killed you afterwards! You will leave the kid and get your fucking ass here, alright!" Leonard felt anger bubble up in his chest, but his voice stayed calm, cool, and controlled. "I wasn't desperate. Damnit Jim, it's my decision whether I stay on this godforsaken planet or not and you have no right to tell me otherwise. If you want to go, go. I wish you a hell load of good luck but I won't come." He didn't regret his choice of words, not for a second. Instead he felt his anger growing once the other man started shouting at him. "Of course it's your decision! Just as it was my decision to not leave you to die next to your daughter. But maybe I've done the wrong thing. Maybe I shouldn't have saved you because you obviously don't want to live if you give everything up just for a stranger. I'm glad we won't meet again because I really want to kill you myself right now…" And thus the connection was dead.

Leonard stood there for a little moment, staring at the small device in his hand, before he turned around and threw it against the wall. "Goddamnit Jim!" He felt angry and relieved at the same time. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He had done the right thing. There was no way the others would wait for him but it was possible that Jim would try and fetch him somehow.

A minute passed until he felt able to return to the kid. His anger was practically melting away at the mere thought of spooning the Russian and going back to sleep for a little while. A small smile made its way to his lips, as he climbed the stairs. But instead of finding the other the way he had left him, comfortably lying in the bed, he found him sitting on the edge, fully dressed in his ripped shirt and bloody jeans. The look on his face was one that sent a wave of panic through the older man. He had never before seen him so serious and anxious. Fear and something else he couldn't identify were clearly visible on his features.

"I haff to tell you somezeng…"

* * *

**Chapter 5**

* * *

_I haff to tell you somezeng._

The words were enough to make his heart sink, and for a little moment he felt like he had lost all footing. Leonard wanted to move, wanted to sit next to the kid, pull him onto his lap and cuddle him until the sad and anxious look disappeared from his features. But he couldn't. Somehow he was only able to stand there and stare, arms hanging limp next to his body. Not even his fingers twitched as he ordered them to; only his lips still obeyed his command. "What? What do you have to tell me?" What secret could it be that made this little genius so miserable? Wasn't he all comfortable and cuddly and happy just minutes ago? "What?!" He knew he was being mean and unfair, but he needed to know what it was so he could pull the kid into his arms, kiss his hair, and tell him that everything was alright.

"Et vas me…" The Russian paused again, mumbling the words into his hands, as he stared at the floor. And McCoy knew he shouldn't be impatient with the other. He knew how hard the world was for him, so he didn't want to force every single word out of the kid's mouth. "What do you mean? What have you done?" Leonard tried to think about what the other could mean, from stealing his weapons to lying to him about his name or origin, but there was nothing he wouldn't be able to forgive.

The kid looked up, tears streaming down his angelic face as he shook his head. The doctor could see how his fingernails were digging into his palms, could almost feel the skin ripping and he saw small droplets of blood running over the pale fingers. It was shocking how much pain the other must feel alone from knowing what he knew. "I newer vanted to tell you. I should not tell you. You vill hate me, you vill just go and leewe me here alone again. All alone." Leonard shook his head, unable to say a single word. He would never let the kid here alone, whatever it was he had to tell. "But I haff to. I haff to tell you about… vhat zey made me do." The other breathed deeply and for the first time locked eyes with the doctor again, as he continued.

"Et vas me. I- I haff started this var. I haff killed your vife and your little daughter! I haff programmed ze missiles so zey vould hit ze capital of Germany! I haff sent zem on zeir vay! I haff seen how ze bomb hit Berlin and I haff felt nozeng! I haff killed all zose people, I haff destroyed almost ze whole planet… and I haff not zought about vhat I vas doing until et vas too late!" He was almost screaming the last part, voice high-pitched, his tears wetting his clothes and dropping to the floor.

"He came and told me to do et. He has newer before giwen me any personal orders but et vas so important for him. And I hoped he vould let me go if I did et. He promised me that I would get out of ze facility. Zat I vould see a better and vonderful plase togezer viz him. He has giwen me so much hope and zat vas vhy I did et vizout even zinking about all ze liwes I ended. I vas so egoistic. Et- et is my fault zat you haff lost eweryzeng you had in your life…" It was a whisper, broken and defeated more than everything else, and the doctor could almost see the pain, as the kid once again hid his face in his hands and wept. But he couldn't feel sad for him. No matter what he had expected from the other, no matter what shocking revelation he had been waiting for, this was worse.

"You…" But he couldn't get any other word out. His mind was a mess. This kid… this genius could've ended the world with his own two hands? Of course he had been forced to, of course he had been trained to do exactly that. Of course it had been his lunatic, Khan, who had held his hands over him all the time, who had ordered it. But still. The boy hadn't even thought about what he was doing, he had killed billions of people without blinking, without regret. He had killed Jocelyn and Joanna! His darling little daughter: this wonderful, bright girl who had always loved to play outside. It was Pavel's fault that they were no longer on this earth. It was the boy who had erased everything he had been living for. Only to sneak into his heart and bed, and not tell him a word.

"I trusted you." His voice was cold as ice, the words harsh and sharp as knives. "I trusted you and you… Jim was right. Jim was right all along about you. I should've let you die on that street. You have killed all those people just because you felt like you needed a bit of freedom. You're a murderer. You're right. I _am_ leaving." He didn't care that the kid was practically screaming again, curling himself up on the floor, as he left. He didn't care that he could feel his own heart being torn apart once again, because the pain was better than the guilt. He didn't care that he left the other with no weapons, still injured and in a zone where death was an everyday thing. He didn't care if the door closed entirely as he threw it shut. The images of his nightmares returned with full force. It was the price for the last days, the price for wonderful calm nights next to this monster, sweaty and reeking of sex.

It got worse with every step he took: the darkening sky, his wife lying there with her black skin peeling off slowly as her lifeless eyes stared at the ceiling. His daughter: her wonderful blue eyes closed, her dark hair and clothes drenched in her own blood. There was no way he would forgive anybody who had taken part in this massacre, no way he could forgive himself for sleeping with this boy. For falling in love with him.

Closing his eyes for a little moment, he pulled the small golden wedding ring out of his pocket. It wasn't his. He had lost it during a fight, but this one was the one he had taken from his wife's finger. He stared at the band. His name was engraved in the metal, together with the date of their wedding. With a frustrated huff he closed his fist around the ring and then threw it away. He was no longer worthy of possessing it, not after betraying his beloved wife like that. The doctor watched the small, sparkling thing roll down the small hill and into the river, where it disappeared in the depth of yellowish water.

He calmed down slowly, as he continued walking and the realisation settled in that he had nowhere else to go. He could take the route to San Francisco but the others would be long gone once he arrived there, and he wasn't the type to come crawling for forgiveness after what he had said to Jim and what Jim had said to him. He sighed and kept walking. He followed the setting sun and kept walking towards the ugly and bloody sunset he could see through the thick clouds. East. Whatever he wanted there, whatever he wanted from life now, he couldn't tell.

Leonard felt empty, as empty as he had felt right after the apocalypse, with his wife and daughter gone for good. He had really loved the kid. Pavel had picked up the pieces of his broken heart and glued them back together. And then he had torn it apart it again, to even tinier bits with his lies, or rather with the truth he had been hiding. But he wasn't actually hiding it. After all, he told him about the whole thing and he seemed to regret it, he seemed sorry… McCoy tried to shut up his inner voice, only to end up standing still once again. "He's a murderer." _He only followed orders. He never_ _knew what freedom was and he couldn't understand what he was doing. He was fifteen, grown in captivity without even seeing the sky or the sun before. What would you do in his situation?_ He shook his head. "I would've found a way. A way that didn't involve killing almost the whole world." But he knew he was lying to himself. He had been lying to himself for years and years.

His anger was slowly disappearing, leaving only emptiness and regret behind. The images of his dead wife and daughter were replaced by Pasha. The way the Russian had laid there, curled up and hugging himself, sobbing. The way the kid had held onto him after the sex, as if he was afraid to be left again. The way his whole face had shined when he smiled. A smile that should be dead after years of hardship in a world like this. His angelic face when he was asleep, lips curled up ever so slightly, the soft curls surrounding his pale face. The scars covering his body like someone had tried to draw a map with them. The way he talked when he was interested in something: gesturing wildly, hair flying and his words practically flowing into each other. The way he had looked at Leonard whenever he was telling something from his past, so much sadness and longing in his eyes, because he had never seen or done anything like that. His laughter, light and almost jaunty… The doctor rubbed his eyes, frustration and pain colliding inside him. He didn't know one could have so many memories after three days of being together with someone, but it almost seemed like they had known each other for years. But he couldn't go back. Not after what he had said. He had almost killed the boy with his words alone!

And then he heard it.

The howling.

A bucket of icy cold water couldn't be more sobering than this one sound. He whirled around and began to run. The door! He hadn't closed the door properly! What if… While running, he pulled the bag off his shoulder and grabbed the shotgun. His knuckles shined white under the skin, as he gripped the weapon. "NOO!" He shot the first thing he spotted near the house, jumping over the dead wolf to reach the door… only to find it wide open. His vision was blurry, tainted in red, as he stormed into the house and up the stairs. He fired another shot but was too impatient to load the shotgun, so he went for his trusty Beretta. He didn't care that the first wolf he found upstairs was retreating. The thing was as bloodthirsty as any of them and he almost emptied his mag into the creature. Fear. Fear and wrath had taken over and he practically jumped into the room. The sight made his heart stop. Blood. Pasha's body on the floor. Lifeless. He had no words left, instead he shot the wolf that was trying to tear a piece out of the boy's shoulder.

Leonard knew it was his fault. He had failed him. He had once again let someone he loved down, to find him lying in his own blood.

He had no ammunition left. The bag was somewhere downstairs because it hat only hindered him in climbing the stairs as quickly as possible. He went for the knife. With a scream he leapt at the nearest abomination, stabbing and tearing the beast apart with his knife. And then he felt the claws in his back, easily cutting through flesh and sinews. Leonard turned around weakly, attacking the beast. He didn't know if the blood on his hands was his own or if it belonged to the wolf, but it wasn't important. The knife fell from his hands, hitting the ground only seconds before he did and the darkness was slowly drowning him. "Pasha…" he whispered, crawling towards the younger man, taking the wonderful and pale face in his hands. "I'm sorry, darlin'. So… sorry…" And as his voice broke, his muscles stopped obeying him and he sunk on top of the kid, staring at his lovely features until the darkness took him in and he felt the chill of death take over.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

* * *

_Leonard knew he didn't deserve heaven. Why would he? He was the worst husband, father, and lover. He had failed to protect his wife, failed to protect his daughter, and failed to protect the only other person who had brought light into the darkness of his soul. He knew there was no way for him to end up in heaven._

_He didn't even wish for it. All he wanted was to be with Pavel._

' _Please. Let me go wherever he is.'_

_Light, bright and blinding light around him. Nothing but white, and a soft voice whispering in his ear, calling him from afar. Such a sweet and lovely voice it was; such a soft tone, thick with an Eastern accent. But for the first time, he heard it without the stain of fear and pain; there was nothing but happiness in this voice, as she called him to go further, to move his feet and walk right into the white eternity._

' _Pasha?'_

_The man didn't know if he whispered or yelled the word. He didn't know if he was running or slowly walking towards the figure he saw in the distance._

' _Lyonya…'_

_For a moment he was afraid this was supposed to be his hell, afraid that he would never reach him, no matter how far he went. But he did come closer._

_He recognised the boy's wonderful curls, moving ever so slightly in an invisible breeze. They were no longer dark with dirt and sweat. Instead they were a wonderful dark blond, shimmering just a little bit reddish in the bright light. His face was free of blood; his body was clad in clothes that were as white as everything here._

_Not a single wound was to be seen. His fingernails were no longer chipped and dirty; his bare feet on the ground just as clean. He was so beautiful._

_So breathtakingly beautiful, without those dark circles under his eyes, and without the lines of hardship on his face._

_It was like a dream. The best dream he could've imagined, but it was more than that. He would never again dream, not after his body had been torn apart and his heart stopped beating. Yet none of that mattered anymore. He had been granted his own heaven. A heaven just for him and his angel._

_A feeling of joy bloomed in his chest, one that he had believed forgotten, buried under the years of hardship and death, as he reached out for the young man, their fingers touching, sending a wave of warmth through his body and…_

"Bones!"

The voice was harsh and cold, compared to the warmth he had felt mere seconds ago and with eyes widened in shock he could see everything fall apart. The white heaven was suddenly bleeding out, his vision red and blurry. The slender fingers tried to hold onto his hand but he was dragged away, some unknown power forced him to let go. And he fell, screaming the boy's name, screaming though there was no air left in his lungs and he felt dark waves crush him.

Pain. Overwhelming pain. Disappointment. Fear.

And then he opened his eyes.

The bright lights above blinded him and he needed a moment to adjust, trying to find out who the shadow belonged to that fell over his face. But he knew it already; he knew who had once again torn him away from the place where he belonged, who had saved him even though he had never asked for it. "Jim…" his voice was hoarse, as if he hadn't used it for years, and his throat hurt, just as every other part of his body did. But his strength returned, slowly but steadily.

After a few minutes he was able to sit up, batting the hand away that reached out to help him. Leonard felt nothing but pain and hate. Hate for this man who claimed to be his friend but then took him away from this wonderful place, a place where he had been together with his beloved, where he could've spent the rest of eternity in peace and happiness engulfed by those gentle and loving arms.

Maybe this was the hell he was supposed to be in, his own personal hell. He wanted to jump out of the bed and strangle his best friend, but he was still too weak to do any great damage. Instead he asked only one single question. "The kid?" His eyes were almost desperately glued to the other man's face, some strange spark of hope still glowing in his chest, even though it was being crushed by a whole mountain. _Please, please, please! You could bring me back to life; you must've saved him too!_

But Jim shook his head, eyes cast down to avoid the older man's gaze. He knew it. Leonard knew he had failed once again.

Why was it always him who survived? "Why didn't you let me die? You knew I was better off dead. You said it yourself!" His voice was still low, quiet and broken. He couldn't even get angry anymore, there was no fire left in his chest to fuel his anger, just the darkness. Tears were slowly making their way down his cheeks, caught in the stubbles of a beard that proved just how long he had been unconscious. "Hey, hey! Don't jump to conclusions, old friend, I didn't say he was dead!" The doctor's eyes widened but he only shook his head, his voice shaking. "Of course he is dead, Jim. I saw what these beasts did to him. If he's not with you…" The younger man seemed to think about it for a little moment, before a small smile appeared on his lips. "Nope. We found only you there, no bones, no… pieces of anyone else left. We saw only a heap of dead wolves and the skid marks of a large vehicle. Whoever took the kid, it wasn't the wolves."

McCoy was out of the bed within seconds, grabbing Jim's collar with his shaking hands, the expression on his face one of a man who was drowning, desperate and driven by the instinct to survive. "Why didn't you tell me right away?" he growled, staring for a little longer before he let go again and let himself sink onto the edge of the stretcher. "Sorry."

For the first time ever since he had woken up, he really looked around, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings and for a little moment being actually impressed by how futuristic everything looked. It was definitely a sickbay, too crammed with beds and monitors for a hospital and too professional for some sort of simple field hospital. But even though he thought of himself as a really good doctor, he had never even seen most of those instruments.

"I'll get him back." The doctor announced, voice steeled with determination, as he wiped the stupid tears off his face.

"I'll get him back and nothing you do is gonna stop me, Jim." To his surprise the other man's smile didn't fade, it only grew into a wide grin, as he nodded. "Thought so." Leonard raised a single eyebrow, waiting for what else was to come, because he knew this tone in the other's voice just too well.

"But you're not going alone."

The words left him speechless for a second and he searched the other's features for any kind of explanation, any signs of him only trying to fuck with him, but he found none. "Why are you suddenly interested in him, Jim? Last time we spoke he was just a stupid teenager and a fucktoy to you."

McCoy was sure there had to be more; there was something Jim wasn't telling him and he wanted to know what it was before he accepted any help from him. It was weird how quickly their relationship of trust and friendly love had turned into distrust and hidden intentions. He hated it. But at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to care about it, while there was still a chance to get his Pasha back and make up for the mistakes he had made earlier, namely kneeling in front of the boy and begging for his forgiveness.

"How much do you know about the Cyrillic Alphabet, Bones?"

The doctor was about to tell him to get to the fucking point, but if he wanted to get back to the point of being friends with this man, he should probably try to be at least a little bit friendly and answer his question. "Not a thing, but what's this to do with anything?"

"Everything. You remember the tattoo the kid has on his neck?" Bones' eyebrow was practically reaching his hair line by now, but he simply nodded, waiting for the other to continue. How they could possibly know about this tattoo was a mystery to him, but he should probably listen first before he asked any more questions.

"I told you 'bout the compass we were looking for. Nyota managed to decode and translate the rest of the message we received and found out the compass isn't actually a thing but a person. Or well, we didn't expect him to be much of a person 'cause the message said he was made and programmed by this Khan guy, like some kind of a puppet." Jim must've noticed the heavy frown on the other man's face because he hurried to continue with his little story. "Never mind. So we were looking for a person with a certain code on their body, probably a tattoo or a burn mark…

_And that was where the whole thing had gotten more difficult than expected. The code mentioned in the text was 9 -5 -Victor -Victor -2, so obviously they had Spock looking for exactly that. It wasn't until Scotty asked if it made any difference if the code was spelled in Russian or English that they noticed the mistake they made. Nyota had hastily found the Cyrillic equivalent for those two words used in the code, coming up with something that meant the same but looked definitely different to an untrained eye._

_9 -5 -виктор -виктор -2_

_And they still hadn't been able to find anything, so Spock began searching for every single letter on his own. It took them many long, agonising hours until the man had finally emerged from his meditation chamber, his usually emotionless face clouded with something that could only be identified with sorrow._

…And that's how we found you, lying in a puddle of blood, a dozen dead wolves scattered around you and not a trace of our compass."

It was like a puzzle that slowly solved itself in Leonard's head, leaving only a few pieces that were still missing. And it explained why Pavel had tried to get the tattoo off his nape, not only because it reminded him of his past, but also because it made him an easy target for anyone who might be looking for him.

Though it was probably good that he hadn't managed to cut it out completely, for at least he wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for this little detail. The words 'made by Khan' made him shiver, remembering what Pasha had told him about his past, the way they had held him in captivity in their facility and forced them to do the most horrible things, staining the kid's innocence with their hunger for power and their desire for destruction and death.

"So you need him to get to this new planet of yours, right?" Bones pondered for a little moment, running a hand through his sweat damp hair, as he struggled with himself to utter the following words. "I'm sorry for being an asshole earlier… I owe you one if you help me get the kid back. But I won't let you hurt him in any way, no matter how important it might be!" All he got from the other was a nod and a moment of silence, before the man looked at him, as if he had just come up with the best idea ever.

"You know… We'll help you get the kid back and you'll become our ship's CMO!" The word ship alone made him sick, simply because it was a space ship and it was flying… The last time he had to fly with an airplane, he had spent two hours on the toilet afterwards, regretting to have had breakfast earlier. Come to think of it… The realisation hit him like a fist and he felt completely stupid for not seeing it earlier.

"Don't tell me we ARE on this goddamn space ship!"

Jim only laughed, nodding and making an exaggerated welcoming gesture. "Welcome aboard the Enterprise! Now what do you think 'bout that deal?"

Leonard only groaned in resignation, glaring at his friend for a moment.

"Guess I'm faced with a Hobson's choice here, right? I agree, Captain."

* * *

Darkness.

Pavel knew he was back the moment he had started breathing again. He knew that he didn't belong here anymore, that they had brought him back from the dead. The scent of germicide hung heavy in the air, just as the familiar one of blood - probably his own. He heard the machines around him beep, pumping blood through his veins, forcing his heart to work and his lungs to breathe. He could even tell exactly where he was and who was with him.

_Darkness._

_It was a land covered with snow, nothing but snow everywhere. The sky was dark with clouds, heavy black clouds, letting not the tiniest bit of sunlight through. He was alone, sitting in the freezing snow, feeling his limbs slowly get cold and die, one after the other._

_He couldn't move his hands, couldn't move his legs anymore; he just sat there, staring at the clouds and waiting for something to happen._

_And for a moment he felt a hand on his shoulder: warm and gentle. He heard a voice whispering words into his ear, words of love and affection but he couldn't turn around, couldn't see the man he knew was standing behind him._

_And then he was gone. The warmth disappeared, like everything else he had in this life._

_He was alone, all alone in the snow, slowly freezing to death, the only sound being his own heartbeat, a slow drum in his ears._

_And then it started snowing again: little snowflakes dancing around his head - white, beautiful, cold._

The Russian was slipping in and out consciousness, not wanting to return to the world that had only ever given him an illusion of hope and love, only to take it away again. In his attempt to gain happiness he had only destroyed any chance of ever being happy. He had no reason to come back, had no reason to start breathing on his own and open his eyes to find himself in the medical bay of the huge ship. But he didn't want to return to that snowy landscape either, to feel the loneliness pierce his heart, slowly tearing him apart.

A soundless sigh escaped his lips as he finally opened his eyes, staring right into the bright light of the lamps without blinking. He hoped that maybe if he would go blind he wouldn't have to see his own reflection in the mirror anymore, to see this boy staring back at him with wide, fearful eyes, pale skin, and dark shadows of hardship and pain. He turned his head slightly, looking down at the needles in his arms, reaching out to rip them out but being stopped by a strong hand. For a little moment he felt a ridiculous spark of hope flare up, only to see it die as he realised who the hand belonged to.

"We wouldn't want you to do that, sweetheart." He closed his eyes again, leaning back into his pillow and then slowly shaking his head. He almost considered pretending to lose consciousness again because that voice was so sickening sweet, dripping with false sympathy that he felt the usual urge to throw up, as always when confronted with this woman. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll give you something for the pain and then you're almost good to go."

Pavel sighed again, but nodded, not wanting to waste his words and not sure if he would even be able to use his voice, since his throat felt like he had been trying to swallow a barbed wire. The pain was nothing though compared to the way his heart ached, the voices in his head still screaming: high pitched and desperate, wanting to get back to the dead where he belonged. Silenced. Back to the freezing, lonely hell, where he was supposed to be after what he had done.

The painkillers worked within a few minutes, leaving his whole body numb and his insides empty, but at least he got rid of the needles in his arms. "Your clothes are on the chair to your right. You know where to go afterwards." She offered him another one of her fake smiles before she finally disappeared, leaving him alone in the large room, alone with himself and the still-beeping monitors and controls. Pavel feels like he was sleepwalking, not even noticing how cold the floor was to his naked feet, as he walked around the bed, picking up the grey and black clothes. It's the same uniform he's been wearing for years, every day and every day.

Two years ago, it would've pained and frustrated him to be back here, back in the only home he had ever had, the ship and the facility where he grew up, but the teen didn't care.

He followed the familiar path, down the hallway and into his quarters, throwing a glance around. Of course it was still as empty and impersonal as the last time he was here. It felt as if he had never left.

Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe he had never left and everything had been just a delusion, slipped into his mind just like the painkillers and whatever it was that had kept him alive. Running a hand through his hair, he ended up rubbing the place between his shoulder blades, fingers wandering just a few inches up… He stopped immediately, touching the same place with the fingers of his other hand, just to make sure he wasn't just missing something…

The scars were gone. He practically stumbled into the bathroom, eying his reflection in the mirror, angling his head so he could see the back of his neck. The skin was no longer bulging, no longer coloured oddly. But what was really catching his eye was the place where the last remaining letter of his tattoo should've been.

Nothing. The skin was just plain, pale and smooth. He felt fear bubbling up in his chest, as he lifted the shirt, staring down at his body that used to be covered in scars and bruises. They were gone.

Everything was gone, not even the birthmark on his right ankle was still there, not even a trace of the wounds that Leonard had treated not too long ago. A sob fell from his lips, as he run his long fingers over the pale and flawless skin. It wasn't that he had thought himself beautiful with those scars, of course not, but each and every one of them had carried a meaning. And the ones at his sides were supposed to stay as a last reminder of those three wonderful days. Of the only time in his life when he had been sure to be loved, to be accepted, to have someone he could hold onto other than himself. A last reminder of how gentle the man's hands and lips had been, how soft his caresses and how beautiful his words were. Now he had nothing left, nothing but a fading memory of a man who left him behind, just as everyone else did, just as his parents had done it when he was still a baby, not even a month old…

Pavel knew he should hurry; he should get to the bridge, where he was supposed to be, back to his computers and charts, monitors and screens. Back to what he was good at, what he had been trained to do, but he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. The emptiness inside him threatened to engulf him, to drown him and for a little moment, he wished he had never gone away. If he had just stayed here, if he had gone with them he would've never known what it meant to love, to lose his heart to someone. And he wouldn't feel like this. Maybe it would've been better that way. Maybe it would've been better to just keep dreaming of freedom but never actually taste it, because it only made him addicted. He would wither away in this cage because of it.

Part of him wanted to just sink to his knees, bury his head in his hands and weep. He wanted to pity himself and let the pain wash his guilt away, because it was so much easier. It was always easier to only care about himself and his wishes, not even thinking about what he was doing to others…

Straightening himself, he pressed his eyes shut, swallowing down the tears and then drying his face with a towel. It would be as it had always been. He belonged here and everything else had been just an illusion, wishful thinking, and a man he would never see again.

His steps lead him towards the turbolift, voice still shaking as he announced the bridge as his destination. Clenching his fists, he fought to get the indifference back, emptying himself so he would feel nothing when facing the men who had brought him back for a second try.

The bridge was just another familiar place, the wide view screen displaying space and underneath them the no-longer blue planet, clothed in darkness and death, the clouds giving off a sulfuric glow.

"It is good to have you back, Chekov. We were worried about you." The Russian only met them with an icy glare, walking the usual way to the helm, only to stop in his tracks once he saw that the Captain's seat wasn't occupied.

"Chekov." It was a dark, familiar voice and a strong hand rested on the small of his back, not in comforting but an intimidating gesture, making him shiver in fear. Suddenly his head was flooded with memories, images flashing through his mind.

_He was entering the bridge for the first time, all on his own; no one else was around to make him uncomfortable as he let himself sink into the Captain's chair and for a little moment there is this tingling sensation of triumph. Maybe it was the feeling of being, the knowledge that what he could do with this ship was practically unlimited, but it was neither his ship nor a choice and soon the doors of the turbolift had swished open, revealing the very person who belonged into this chair._

_He was standing in the same place, staring at the screen in front of him and at the wonderfully blue planet; it looked almost like a marble to him, so small and of no importance for the rest of the universe. A hand rested on his shoulder, just as he went through a dozen formulas at the same time, making sure that he hadn't forgotten or miscalculated anything and he is guided back towards his seat. Not gently, nothing about this hand is gently. It doesn't hurt him, but it's threatening and the promise of pain is hanging over his head like the sword of Damocles._

_He was sitting in his seat, watching the small numbers and letters run over the smaller screen in front of him, not really caring about what was happening on the big screen. "Launch." The dark voice seemed to whisper into his ear and he pressed a few buttons, turning around in his seat to face the ship's Captain. "Missile Launched, Keptin."_

"I have work for you, Chekov." The young Russian turned around to face the older man, staring up into the bluest eyes he had ever seen. They were like ice, cold and clear and they immediately reminded him of the hell he had been thrown in earlier.

"I zought so, Mester Khan."

* * *

**Chapter 7**

* * *

They were greeted by complete silence as they stepped onto the bridge, only the humming of the ship's systems was to be heard and all eyes were glued to the doctor. Leonard raised an eyebrow, looking around and chasing every single glance with a scowl on his face. He didn't like to be stared at. Weren't there more important things to do on this ship than to stare at a new crewmember? He had to admit though, it was an impressive sight: the huge view screen looked like a giant window directly into space, a thousand stars blinking in the darkness. Stars. Something they hadn't seen in years down on earth; it was easy to forget what was there when you couldn't see it. Sometimes he had joked that the whole universe had left them alone, had left the miserable little planet that had been destroyed by its own inhabitants. But of course that was stupid, he knew enough about the solar system to even know what stars should be there, even though he had never really known a lot of those constellations.

"Captain on the bridge!" A young, bald-headed woman announced as Jim stepped further into the room, walking over to the slightly higher seat in the middle, obviously the Captain's chair. Of course the man was supposed to be a leader - he knew how to push people to do their very best, knew how to motivate them without sounding too harsh. Hell, he had even kept Leonard from killing himself more than twice now. And he cared about the women and men under his command; the doctor was sure of it.

"This is Doctor McCoy, our new CMO everybody. Don't call him any stupid names or he'll probably kill you." Jim grinned, leaning back in his chair as he pointed to one of his crewmembers after the other, introducing them to their new doctor. "This is Sulu, our pilot." The Japanese man at the helm nodded, offering Leonard a smile that the older man didn't return. "Uhura, our linguistics officer and Darwin, our navigator." The two women nodded, both more fixated on their work than on staring. "And Spock, First Officer and head of the Science department." So this was the green blooded bastard Jim had been telling him so much about. Leonard eyed the man for a moment, slightly irritated by the pointy ears and the indifferent expression, but not all mutations were changing things for the better obviously. It was a strange atmosphere, like they all belonged to a big family, and he was the intruder. But everyone tried to be nice to him.

"Captain, Doctor. I am not pleased to have to tell you this but I was unable to locate the compass." Leonard's eyes widened. "What do you mean, unable? You said he's not dead! And the kid has a goddamn name, stop calling him a 'compass' like he's a thing you can use!" The Science officer only raised an eyebrow, almost matching his own in his elegance but he didn't show any other reaction the outburst. "I am certain he is not dead, doctor. They must have changed something about his mark. I can no longer see him."

Leonard felt his heart sink but he didn't let resignation take over. As long as Pasha was alive, there was still hope and he would make sure not to fail him again. His gaze focused on the man they called Captain, who had not yet said anything to the bad news. But Jim only nodded, obviously trying to think of something, before he turned to face the rest of the bridge crew. "We're going down there. Sulu, Spock, I want you there with me. Uhura you're in command. Scotty..." He leant down over the armrest of his chair to press a button that obviously belonged to the ship's intercom. "I want you to make sure the ship is ready to get us out of here, when we're getting back. I plan on bringing your coordinates and formulas."

It was impressive how everybody hurried to follow the Captain's orders without even saying a single word other than 'Aye, sir.' It almost seemed as if they had trained like this for years, as if they were professionals, real military personnel and not just a wild mixture of survivors. Sulu was the first one to join in the lift and Leonard could see how another officer took over his seat, before the doors closed and they were catapulted to another deck. "We need weapons." Bones had noticed that no one on board actually carried a weapon with him, there were no guns, or knives, probably because it would only cause an air of distrust but when they were actually going back onto the planet, they would need them. Jim only grinned, gesturing him to step out of the lift and then leading him through the first door they passed. "Take whatever you like."

The walls were adorned with weapons, rifles, guns, grenades - enough to equip a whole battalion of soldiers and not just a small landing-party like this, but something was weird. The doctor picked one of the rifles, surprised by how light it was and turned around to face the others who were busy equipping themselves. "Where's the ammunition?" Somehow he had the feeling he was asking a really stupid question, as Jim stepped over and placed one of the smaller guns in his hand. "Shoot. At the floor of course, everything else would be plain stupid." The doctor frowned, but followed the suggestion, aiming his weapon at the floor a few feet away. There was no recoil, not even much of a sound, and definitely no bullet. "Laser?" Leonard stepped forward, eying the small hole the shot had burned into the floor. "It's a phaser, Bones. Those people had lots of technology none of us ever heard of. It's like those things were sent back from the future."

Maybe he should just stop asking, or wondering, because this was obviously the new reality he was supposed to live in. He kept the phaser, strapping it to his waist. Then he took the rifle again and two of the grenades. _At least the knives are still made of steel._ He thought, as he slipped one into his boot. They looked like a group of elite soldiers; the uniforms were too colourful for the military, but who needed camouflage when you had weapons like this? Now that he thought of it, he was pretty sure to actually understand the colour system a bit, at least what blue and yellow meant. Yellow was obviously for command, pilot and navigation, so everyone who was specialised to fly this ship or order people around. He was wearing a blue shirt, just like Spock, so it had to be the colour for science and medical officers. What he didn't know yet was the meaning of red but he would surely find that out as well. Now was not the time for ask, now was the time to get Pasha back.

He didn't even flinch as they stepped into the shuttle bay and saw what he had to fly with. Leonard wouldn't back down just yet; he hadn't even eaten in a while, so there was nothing he could possibly throw up in this thing. Still, he placed a hand on Sulu's shoulder, a hint of fear visible in his dark eyes. "I'd be thankful if you tried to fly... as tame as possible." The pilot nodded, giving him a thumbs up and a 'Yes sir' before climbing into the shuttle, followed by Spock and Jim and finally the doctor. Another thing he would have to get used to - being called sir -, as if he was some sort of authority. "I hate you for this, Jim. You have no idea how much I hate you..." But they both knew he didn't mean it. Bones tried to ignore the way Spock's and Jim's fingers found their way to each other through the ride. It wasn't even a really intimate gesture, at least not for him; holding hands was something soldiers did, something family, not only reserved for lovers. But between the two it seemed to be like a symbol of a deeper understanding, a connection nobody else could really get a grasp on. It made Leonard's heart ache for the presence of his own lover, wanting to hold the kid's hand like this, when they were up to adventures and exploring space. He was sure, Pavel would like it, of course, he was a genius after all. The kid would probably know everything about the ship within a few days, knowing how to operate every control, every system.

His knuckles were shining white under the skin, as he gripped the armrests hard enough to feel pain and pressed his eyes shut. If they died in here, everything would've been futile. It was the one opponent he couldn't fight with weapons, if they just fell out of the sky like a rock and crashed into the ground, there was no way to bring them back to life again...

But they survived the flight and Bones mumbled a quiet prayer, as he stepped out of the shuttle. He didn't believe in a god anymore, nobody did in these times, but he had never before been so happy to have solid ground under his feet as he was right now. Adjusting the rifle on his back, he waited until Jim had told Sulu to wait by the shuttle, ready to flee at every moment, should anything go wrong. The Captain then handed Len a new communicator, with the order to immediately alert Sulu should they get separated for whatever reason.

The doctor winced, as he recognised the small town immediately, his steps leading towards the house where they had hidden away. Memories flashed through his mind, distracting him for a second. The kid's body underneath him: gorgeous, naked, writhing and covered in sweat. The kid's ragged breathing in his ears, his delicious moans and whimpers sending pleasant shivers down the doctor's spine. The howling of the wolves and how they had gotten closer and closer with every day, circling them. Hungry eyes glowing in the dark, as they waited for their chance to feed.

Jim had been right, there were dead bodies everywhere and only two of them had been killed by his shotgun back then, the others showed injuries that looked a lot more like burns, resembling the way these newer weapons worked. So obviously someone else had been here and had taken the Russian genius away. But why?

He didn't get to answer the question as a hand suddenly gripped his arm, holding him in place. Looking up, he saw what the other two had spotted, a silent curse falling from his lips. Two gigantic bears. They had obviously smelled the blood and had left the forest to get their share of the feast. One of them was busy tearing out a wolf's liver, distracted from everything else. But the other was slowly lifting his head: tiny, dark eyes searching for the origin of the new scent in the air. It took him only a minute to spot the three humans.

Leonard had only ever met a bear once, years back while they had been camping. Don't move. That's what they had said back then, but he doubted that 'Don't move' would get them very far in this situation. "Fuck." Jim and Spock had simultaneously reached for their phasers, slowly and carefully, but now the bear was roaring, his heavy paws hitting the ground. And honestly, the doctor had never believed such a huge animal to be able to move like this - fast, almost elegant even with its enormous mass. The other two shot, Jim hitting the beast's arm, Spock right into the chest, but the beast only stumbled and then leapt at them. And if there was one thing that was more dangerous than a mutated bear, it was a mutated, hurt, and angry bear.

"Run!" Jim yelled, gesturing towards the house and pulling one of his grenades out. And Leonard ran, ran as fast as his legs and lungs let him, practically throwing himself through the door and reaching out a hand to pull the others in. His side hurt where he had hit the floor hard, but right now it was more important to survive. The blonde was the last one to reach the house, dropping his grenade right in front of the door, before he slipped in and they shut the door. "We need to hold it shut and cover our heads!" He was still yelling, the adrenaline rushing through his body, heart pounding in his head. Only seconds later the grenade exploded, ripping the door off its hinges and throwing them all back to the ground. Splinters of wood and stone were flying all around them, and the doctor felt a few drops of blood hit his face. "Jim!"

"I'm okay, Bones. A few scratches, that's all."

They had been lucky. Bruises and cuts were all they had gotten from the action, but it had been a pretty close shave and the doctor was sure next time they wouldn't survive that easily. Groaning, he got up from the floor, only throwing a quick look at what had once been the door. The grenade had done its job, tearing the two bears apart, and the hardened doctor felt a wave of brackishness rush through him at the sight. "Let's go upstairs where..." but Jim didn't get to finish his sentence, instead he pulled out his beeping communicator, flipping it open with one hand. "What?"

"Sir! You have to get back to the ship immediately! The Enterprise is being attacked!"

* * *

"Sit down."

Pavel immediately obeyed, sinking into his seat and turned to face the other man who was still hovering over him, but not really looking at him. It surprised and unsettled the Russian how soft Khan's voice was, dark, threatening but still soft, and not as harsh as usual.

"You have disappointed me, Chekov. First you leave a bug in our system and then you run away. Can you imagine that it took my other scientists two years to find out what is behind the ever changing coordinates?"

The teen wanted to talk back, wanted to accuse this man of lying to him, of making him believe he was doing the right thing, of promising him freedom but never giving it to him. But he knew it was futile, he knew the only way to stay alive right now was to do whatever Khan told him and to use his knowledge as an advantage. He was still the only one who knew how to find this planet they had been talking about, the only one who could operate this ship on his own, without needing any kind of support from anyone else. But at the same time he couldn't threaten this man. Khan had his methods to get what he wanted from people and there was no way he'd let him escape a second time, not after wasting two years in space, chasing after coordinates that were randomly generated by the lovely bug Pavel had left in the system before escaping.

"You will not do this again."

The Russian shook his head. He didn't have anywhere else to go. Back on earth there was nothing left for him, the freedom he had dreamt of had been nothing more than pain and loneliness. He had no reasons to upset Khan again, no reason to disobey the orders he was given. "I vill set up ze coordinates, ser. Ve can leewe in a few hours," he mumbled, about to turn around to his console again as the hand on his shoulder stopped him: a long, slender finger stroking over his cheek and resting under his chin, forcing him to look up into these merciless eyes.

"I have another order for you, Chekov." For a moment he didn't say anything else, didn't move his fingers away and Pavel felt the urge to slap those hands away. He didn't want anyone to touch him, not if the man's touches weren't as gentle and warm as the ones that still lingered in his memories. But he didn't move until Khan finally backed off, stepping towards his screen and ordering the computer with a few words to open a certain file.

"I have to tell you a bit about your new... friend, down there." The teen knew the smile on the other's lips wasn't a good sign, it never was. The last time Khan had smiled, he had ordered him to launch the missile, throwing the world into a war that would turn it into a wasteland, killing billions of humans. But he only nodded, waiting for him to continue. There was no way his heart was supposed to ache like that. Leonard had left him for dead, and had practically invited the wolves to come and eat him alive.

"Has he told you about his friends?" A set of faces appeared on the screen. One of them was a man with blonde hair and blue eyes and determination visible in his features. The next one was older, had greyish hair but his face showed the same expression. The last one was a man with dark hair and dark eyes, his ears weirdly pointy. "Christopher Pike, James Tiberius Kirk,and Spock. You have heard the names before, haven't you?" Pavel nodded. Of course he had. Leonard had told him about them, about their wish to leave the planet, about their ship, and about the organisation they had founded. Another face joined the three on the screen, and the Russian felt a sharp pain in his chest as he stared at Leonard's familiar features. He looked younger on the photo, not as much lines on his face and his eyes not as clouded with darkness. It was definitely a photograph that had been taken before the apocalypse had happened.

"How much has he told you? Has he told you that they were constantly searching for you for the past year? Has he told you that they know what you are and what you have done? Has he told you that they plan to use you and your knowledge and then kill you? In order to have their revenge?"

Pavel's eyes widened, brows furrowed, as he shook his head hastily, no longer caring if he would be punished if he objected. "No! Zis is not true. Zey vould not kill me, Lyonya vould not..."

"You have told him everything, haven't you? You confirmed that you are exactly what they have been looking for and he left. But where did he go?"

The Russian was suddenly feeling sick, his hands trembling and his face pale. He had heard Leonard talking to Jim over the communicator, right before he had told him everything, right? What if the man's surprise and shock had only been an act? Of course he left to go back to the others; he had only ever talked about Jim, his best friend, and his friends, and what they would do when they left the planet. How much they craved it. Len had told him that he wanted revenge. Revenge for his wife and daughter, and for all the other horrible things that had happened thanks to the Great War. He saw Khan's smile widen just a little bit, as he nodded and then turn around to the screen.

"They have a ship. They will attack us; they will kill everyone on this ship to get you. They will use you to get to the new world and then they will kill you, because you are no longer needed." He paused a moment, obviously waiting for the words to sink in, but Pavel had already understood. Once again he felt cold, felt the emptiness inside him widen even further. Was that the reason why Leonard had taken care of him, why he had slept with him, kissed him, held him? Because he wanted Pavel to trust him long enough so they could get the information they needed? Was it the only reason he told him all the sweet things he did? The teen didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to know about all this, he wanted to keep his illusions, wanted to lie to himself, but his analytic mind wasn't letting him. It was like a puzzle in his head that solved itself, putting piece for piece together and creating an image that tore apart his heart.

Leonard hadn't been there by chance in this small town where Pavel had been attacked by the wolves. He had been talking to Jim, had probably been directed there, because they knew the Russian was there. He had taken care of him because they couldn't risk losing the knowledge only Pavel possessed. He had slept with him because Pavel asked for it, and to gain his trust. And he had succeeded; he had succeeded in stealing his heart. But he had obviously still not been sure if Pavel really was what they were looking for but he had been dumb enough to give him every single piece of information he needed to be sure. And then he had informed the others, to tell them everything about him...

The Russian knew he should be angry, he had every reason to hate this man for what he had done but he couldn't. All he felt was disappointment and emptiness; he didn't care anymore. He looked up again and nodded in understanding, waiting for Khan to state his orders.

"Their ship is only a few minutes away. You will destroy it before they can attack us. You will make sure they can no longer threaten you and everyone else on this ship. If you do this, I promise, I will grant you everything you wish for, once we reach the new world. You will have the freedom you wished for."

And thus he left, left him on the bridge and in command, because he knew Pavel would say yes. The teen stared for a little longer, stared at the features of this one man he had ever loved, the first one to treat him differently but with the same intention. He was just another man who wanted to use him. The teen felt his own lips curl into a cold smile, tears once again blurring his vision, but he blinked them away. Freedom. He didn't know if Khan was lying again. It was possible, but the man had known how much he still wished to be free and independent. And he wanted it even more now that he had gotten a taste of it. Knowing that love was only an illusion, he would do anything to get back the only thing that was able to give him a feeling of happiness. He had killed for his freedom once, he would do it again. Nobody was there to forgive his sins anyway. He would go to hell, but he could at least try and live a bit before he was sent back into the cold. "Aktiwate ze veapon systems I vant her reedy to fight in two meenutes."

His own fingers were flying over his controls, reawakening the systems he had blocked almost two years ago. The USS Vengeance hummed underneath him as if she was welcoming her master. "They're hailing us, sir!" One of the other crewmen announced but Pavel shook his head. "Do not answer et. Aktiwate ze shields and block all communications. Zen skan zeir ship for ewery veekness you can find." His voice wasn't trembling anymore, his hands weren't shaking. "And I vant ze ship on ze screen!" He closed his eyes for a little moment and when he opened them again, the pictures were gone from the screen. Instead there was once again earth and space, and the other ship. Of course he knew the ship, he had seen the blue prints of every single ship that was built worldwide; he had worked on them as a kid, playing around with the different engines. Together with the world's best physicists they had found a way to not only break the sonic barrier, but also the speed of light within seconds, creating an artificial warp bubble around the ship, contracting space in front of the ship and expanding it behind the ship.

"Weapon systems are activated, shields are up and at 100 percent. Fire at your command."

* * *

**Chapter 8**

* * *

They didn't have the time to be shocked, didn't even have the time to be afraid. Leonard hated to leave this place, having found not a single trace of his beloved but he didn't want to be left alone, and for Jim and Spock the ship was, of course, top priority. The ride in the shuttle back to the Enterprise was worse than every single flight he had ever had and he felt the panic attack rolling over him in waves, pulling him deeper in his land of anxiety and fear and after a few seconds he was on his knees, holding his stomach and coughing. He was really lucky to have eaten nothing earlier... The man didn't even have the time to pull himself together once they were back on the Enterprise. Instead he had to follow the others, running through half of the ship and back to the bridge.

"Uhura! Report!" Jim barked, practically jumping out of the lift, only to stop abruptly, staring at the wide screen. Len followed his gaze. "What the hell..." It was definitely a space ship, but if the Enterprise was huge, than this thing was gigantic. It was at least three, maybe four times bigger than the Enterprise - dark black and it looked like a nightmare come to life. "Uhura, what the hell is this?!"

"We don't know yet, Captain. We tried to hail them but they don't answer." The woman didn't even wince; instead she looked Jim directly in the eyes, not the slightest bit afraid of him. Then she turned around again and headed back to what was obviously her seat. In a less stressful situation, Len would've admired her strength, but right now they had definitely other things to care about. "Their weapon systems are being activated, sir! Their shields are up. They're scanning us." Leonard could see the panic in Jim's eyes, the panic he tried to hide from everybody else, as he yelled at his chief Engineer over the intercom.

"Scotty! Do we have any chance of surviving a direct attack?" "I don think so, sir, we cannae get away either." Of course not. What use was this goddamn space ship if they were going to be killed this easily? "Captain. It is the USS Vengeance. The ship Khan used to escape two years ago." Len looked up at exactly the same time as Jim, their eyes locking for a second, sharing their thoughts without even needing to say a thing. "Scotty! Is there a way to beam us over?"

Beaming? It was a technology they had only been developing before The Great Catastrophe, or at least he had thought so, but obviously it was just another secret the military had kept. But there was no time to explain anything because a few seconds later he was already ushered back into the lift. The Engineer had said something about a 'wee bit of a chance' to get them to the other ship and Jim had immediately told him to get ready. "Captain, we will have to weaken their shields first, otherwise it is impossible to be transported to the other ship." They both stared at the green blooded hobgoblin for a little moment, waiting for him to continue with his explanation. "If we could redirect the power from the life supporting systems to our weapon systems for approximately a minute, there is a slight chance that it will be enough to affect our enemy's shields."

The very moment they stepped outside the lift, the ship was suddenly shaken and they were thrown to the ground. Leonard could hear someone screaming in the distance, could almost feel the ship's metal bending and breaking, and suddenly the corridor was illuminated by a red light. "Captain! We've been hit! Shields are down to 70 percent!" The high pitched alarm hurt his ears, as they stumbled forward and into what seemed to be the transporter room. "Bones? Tell me it's okay to leave the crew without air for a minute!" The doctor hesitated only for a split second before nodding. "Course they can! Have sickbay on alert in case someone faints but otherwise it's not lethal! Tell them to take a deep breath!" Jim turned around immediately, ordering the Engineer, who was obviously Scotty, to follow Spock's instructions, while he jumped onto the wide platform. "Come on, Bones!" With a frown he followed his companion, watching as Spock stepped forward to join them, only to be stopped by the Captain's hand. "No Spock. I need you here. If we don't make it... I want you to evacuate everybody. Find a way to get them out of here!" "Captain, it would be only logical if I went with you, Captain, I am more experienced with..." "No, Spock." Leonard looked away, wanting to give them at least a little bit privacy, but out of the corner of his eye he could see how they pressed their hands together in an odd gesture and then shared a short kiss.

"Capt'n..." Jim nodded at the Scot, hitting the button for the ship's intercom once again. "Attention crew of the Enterprise. We will shut down the life supporting systems for a minute. I want you all to take a deep breath and hold onto something in case we're hit again. Kirk out... Scotty, do it now." And then the lights went out, only the red emergency lamps were still working and Leonard took a deep breath as he had advised it himself, inwardly counting the seconds.

_60,59,58,57,56,55,54,53,52,51,50..._

The ship was hit again, the alarm getting louder, his heart pounding in his ears due to the shock and he was pressed against the wall on his back.

_...49,48,47,46,45,44,43,42,41,40,39,38,37..._

He turned around to see how the others were doing, and saw that Jim was still holding Spock's hand, the other hand pressed against his throat, his eyes closed. His own heart was beating faster and faster with every second that passed, trying to distribute the last bits of oxygen in his blood.

_...36,35,34,33,32,31,30,29,28,27,26,25,24..._

He felt his own chest getting tighter, his mind yelling at him to breathe, to get fresh air into his system, but he forced himself to stay calm. He could feel his heart slowing down again, second for second until he couldn't hear it anymore.

_...23,22,21,20,19,18,17,16,15,14,13,12,11..._

He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, his lungs aching as he tried to breathe but there was no oxygen in the air that could possibly soothe the burning.

_...10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1..._

But he must've counted wrong because there was still no air to breathe. He turned around to look, seeing the Engineer holding onto his controls like a dying man, trembling fingers hovering over the buttons but not pushing down. For a moment he was sure the man was going to faint and they were all going to die.

_-1_

_-2_

_-3_

_-4_

_-5_

Every number was like the ticking of a clock in his head, counting down to his certain death. He considered leaving the platform and pushing the buttons for the other man but he had never operated a system like that, and the risk that he did something wrong was too high.

_-6_

_Come on, come on, come on!_

_-7_

And Scotty finally hit the button.

_-8_

Air. He had never been more happy to just breathe, grasping his own hurting throat and taking a deep breath. The lights flickered and then went on again, illuminating the room and showing a kneeling Jim who was being supported by his lover. Spock was the only one in the room who didn't look like he had just almost died but maybe he was just good at hiding his pain. "We're ready, Capt'n." The Engineer was still trembling ever so slightly but he was standing straight again, completely focused on his monitor. And this time Jim didn't hesitate for a split second; instead, he ordered with clear, strong voice: "Fire."

A few seconds passed, and nothing seemed to happen. But then he felt a weird, tingling sensation in his stomach and Scotty announced with a wide grin that it had worked. "Live long and prosper... both of you." Spock stepped back from the platform, his eyes never leaving his lover's face and for a little moment, the doctor felt some kind of sympathy for him, no matter how much he disliked him already. Only seconds later, the Commander was gone; just as everything else around them was gone, replaced by a long and empty corridor. Blinking a few times Leonard stared down at his hands in surprise. It hadn't even hurt; in fact he had felt absolutely nothing but the light tingle.

"We should spread up. You go looking for the co... your boyfriend and I'll take care of Khan." Bones nodded and they looked at each other for a moment, before Jim laid a hand on his shoulder. "Good luck." Another nod and they parted. Neither of them had any idea where to go. but they would find a way. They had to find a way, otherwise they'd be dead; everyone on their ship would be dead and he would never again hear that thick, Russian accent when the boy said the ridiculous little name he had made up for him.

_Lyonya._

The word echoed through his head and he quickened his pace, running down the hallway and around the corner, only to run into someone else. His reflexes were lightning fast, he grabbed the man's arm and pushed him into the wall, pulling his phaser with the other hand and pressing the weapon against the other's head. "Say a single word and you're dead." He growled, lips only inches away from the man's ear. The other nodded hastily, signalling him that he wouldn't try anything, but Leonard didn't let go. "The Russian kid. Where do you keep him?" The guy laughed, a dry unhappy laugh but once Len moved his phaser just a little, rubbing over his temple, he hastily answered. "He's on the bridge, sir! Down the corridor and then left!" That was all the doctor needed and without even blinking, he pulled the trigger.

Leaving the dead man on the ground, he continued on his way down the hallway, surprised and unsettled as he didn't meet another person. But he didn't let his fear win over; instead he pushed the phaser back into its holster and pulled the grenade out of his pocket. He could see the glass door leading to the bridge and his heartbeat quickened immediately, excitement and anxiety taking over his mind simultaneously. He slowed down, walking the last steps and trying to catch a glimpse of what was behind that door but it was impossible to see much but the backs of a few people. _Come on Bones, you've come too far to give up now!_ And without giving his worries the time to unsettle him further, he simply stepped through the glass doors.

No one even noticed him, the men and women were concentrated on what was happening on the large screen. For a moment he was unable to tear his gaze away from the scenario. The Enterprise had obviously been hit another few times, for she was in a really bad shape. For a moment he wondered if Jim's crew would be able to repair the damage should they survive, if the ship would be able to fly with such holes in her body.

"Report."

The voice cut through his thoughts like a blade, bringing him back to reality instantly.

"Their shields are almost down. Another hit and they're most likely to break down."

Leonard felt his heart stop for a split second as he stared at the person sitting in one of the two seats at the helm, the one person with soft, curly hair and a long, pale slender neck. His eyes widened in shock and realisation, as the familiar, steady voice uttered a single word.

"Fire."

* * *

"No."

Pavel's hands stilled immediately, hovering over his controls, whilst the thoughts were racing through his head. The familiar voice burned its way into his heart like acid and it hurt, but it was also the only warmth he had felt ever since he had woken up in the medical bay of this ship. He didn't want to turn around, didn't want to see him standing in the door and instead wait until someone came and took him away, but he was forced to, by the other's next words.

"Do it and I kill you." He closed his eyes, pulling himself together before he finally turned around, facing the man he had loved, he still loved, the man who had betrayed him. He looked exactly the same, tired, dark shadows under his eyes and a look of determination on his features, only this time he wasn't shaven. The Russian didn't really care about the grenade in the other's left hand, instead he felt himself drawn to his eyes. They looked at each other, gazing into each other's eyes and it seemed like everything else around them ceased to exist. But he was unable to read in those eyes, unable to find the answers he was looking for. After a few heartbeats, he tore his gaze away, focusing on his own hands instead. It was weird how his fingers had suddenly begun to shake once again but it wasn't much of a surprise to him.

"If you are here to sawe your ship, you vill not succeed, Leonard. Ze only vay to do zat is to kill me and eweryvone else." The teen didn't look up, didn't see the pained expression on the other's face or the way the older man seemed to desperately search for the right words to say. "I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to take you with me, Pasha. I'm here to save you." Of course he would say that, of course he would want to 'save' him from this place to take him to the others. And then they would force him to fly them to the new world and kill him. But he would no longer believe the other's lies; Khan's words had opened his eyes, and he would no longer blindly trust a man he didn't even know.

Instead of answering, he stood up, slowly stepping closer to the other man, watching the hint of confusion that appeared on his features, as he opened his mouth. "Pasha..." It was a whisper, but the Russian felt how strong this simple word was, trying to tear down the barricades around his decision to never trust again. His face still didn't show any sign of emotion as he reached for the man's phaser. And of course, the man let him take it, wanting to regain the teen's trust to use him once again. For a little moment Pavel asked himself if it wasn't worth it. For a little moment, he considered going with him, only to have this illusion of love once again but then, he simply pushed the thought away, locking it in the darkest part of his mind, as he raised the phaser to his own temple.

"Lay your veepons down. On ze ground. Ze grenades and ze rifle..." he eyed the other for a little moment, before he remembered something. "And ze knife." They needed him, and they needed him alive to find their destination and to save their ship. So there was no way Leonard would let him kill himself. He did his best to keep his voice as cold as ice as he saw the doctor's eyes widen a little, mouth opening as if he wanted to beg him to stop, but Pavel wouldn't back down. Now it was his time to hurt. And no matter how much it pained him to see the resignation in the other's eyes, there was no way he would let his feelings guide him this time. The last time he had ignored the voice of reason, his heart had betrayed him, had tricked him into trusting someone who had only used and hurt him. But he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Instead he waited patiently until the man had stripped off all his weapons, then he lowered the one pointed at his own head and nodded at the two security officers.

Leonard didn't fight back as his arms were being gripped and held behind his back; he didn't even flinch. Instead, he kept staring at the kid, disbelieving, unable to figure out what to say. He hadn't expected the situation to turn out like this; in fact he hadn't even thought about what would happen once he found his beloved. The man had believed to find the Russian a prisoner, held in chains or in a cell and he would've come to save him, to bust him out. He had never expected Pavel to be the one who led the attack on the Enterprise, to have returned to working for the wrong side. "Why?" The word was heavy on his tongue but he had to understand, what reason the young man had to turn against him, to betray him like this.

"Because you used me. Because you haff only ewer vanted vhat vas in my heed and not me. Because you lied. Because you took everyzeng I gawe you and zrew et avay. Because you left me!" Pavel paused, obviously struggling to keep his expression void of all emotion. "Because you made me beliewe you loved me."

* * *

The doctor shook his head slowly, still not quite understanding what the other said but probably he didn't even want to understand. "I love you." He whispered but the teen only shook his head, anger visible on his features. "I vill no longer beliewe your lies, Leonard. You should not haff left me, maybe I vould still be your playtoy zen." And it was like a light had been lit inside his head, the realisation burning its way through his mind. Pasha still believed he left him in that house; he had been unconscious when the doctor had come back to fight off the wolves. Everything else must have been lies Khan had planted in the kid's mind, because why else would he believe that Leonard had used him?

"I did not know..." he started, but he was interrupted, as the doors swished open and another man stepped onto the bridge, one he immediately recognised without having seen him before. And it was like a bucket of icy water that was being emptied over his head, because if Khan was here then it meant Jim had been captured as well. At least if his friend had succeeded in finding the criminal on this huge ship. "Spare the child, doctor. Did he not suffer enough under your lies already?" And Len watched in horror, as Khan crossed the bridge to where Pasha was standing, stepping right behind him and placing a hand on the Russian's hip, an air of triumph and cold radiating from him. Rage, and a feeling of helplessness bubbled up in his chest as he had to watch how Pavel stiffened a bit, but didn't even move away from the other's hands. And Khan slowly raised his other hand, running his long fingers over the kid's temple, brushing one of his insistent locks out of the way. "You make a murderer out of him." Leonard hissed through his teeth, staring directly into the icy blue eyes. "Don't you see he's using you, Pasha? Baby. He's the one who's pulling the strings; he's told you lies about me and the others. We never planned to kill you, never wanted to use you. We need you!"

But he was obviously only fueling the other's distrust even more, whatever lies Khan had told him, they must have been complex enough that everything he said sounded like another lie. It frustrated him, that he could say nothing to prove Pasha that he would do everything for him, that he would abandon everything and everyone else for him, that he truly loved him. There had to be a way, there had to be something he was able to say, but he couldn't think of anything. "I'm sorry, darlin'. I'm sorry that I left you in that house and I know there's nothing I can say that makes it okay. It's okay if you never forgive me for that. But I came back! I was the one who killed those beasts not him! I need you. Please, give me a chance to prove it!" Still there was no sign of a struggle in the kid's eyes and he could've cried out in frustration and pain, seeing how his beloved had been turned against him. And the way Khan caressed his face, fingertip running over those thin lips and down his neck awoke in him the urge to kill, to tear this bastard apart for touching what was not his.

"You are a waste of my time." Khan finally announced, gesturing at the security officers. Leonard was being pushed towards the door and he followed, knowing that it was futile to resist. And what reason did he have to resist? No matter what he said, Pavel didn't believe him anyway. The Enterprise would be destroyed, they would most likely be executed and the Russian would continue to be this man's tool until he was no longer useful. And the doctor doubted that Khan would see any reason to keep him alive once they were in possession of the right coordinates. While he was being dragged away, he turned his head to look at the kid for a last time, feeling once again tears in his eyes, but this time he wasn't ashamed of them. "You aren't a murderer, or his puppet. And I'm sure Irina told you the same. I don't care what you think about me, but I trust you, Pasha."

For a little moment he was sure to see something in the teen's eyes, some kind of a struggle, a glimpse of emotion. But then he was pushed through the door and he could no longer see the boy. He hadn't lied when he said that he trusted the boy; he trusted him with his life, and if Pavel decided that the lies and the life in a cage like this were better than the truth he could give him then he would willingly die in his hands, for his life had no purpose anymore. But the short glimpse of emotion in the other's eyes had given him something he hadn't expected to find after the kid had stripped him of his weapons while threatening to take his own life. Hope.

He didn't struggle as the guards lead him through the long corridors and what seemed like a dozen different decks, from one lift to the other until they finally reached their destination. By then he had lost all orientation by now, but he wasn't getting out of here anyway, if the kid didn't came to save him, of course. With a sigh he sat down on the cold metal bench, resting his back against the wall and closing his eyes, while the energy field that served as the door was closed again. Leonard didn't want to know what would happen should he try to stick his hand through the glowing surface; he had no desire to find out. Instead, he tried to search through his thoughts and waited, waited for anything to happen or anyone to show up. The anxiety he had felt earlier had disappeared, instead he was simply tired, the tears drying on his stubby cheeks and his pulse slowly returning to his usual frequency. The doctor forbid himself to think about what was happening to the Enterprise, what had happened to Jim, what was happening to him if the kid wasn't able to tell truth from lie. Instead he focused on the pleasant memories, recalled their long nights filled with cuddling, sex, and soft voices that were chasing reality away.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

* * *

_I trust you, Pasha._

The words were still echoing in his head, gnawing at his insides as if they wanted to slowly tear him apart. It had been minutes since the security had taken the doctor away, since the doors had closed again but he was still staring, his eyes glued to the place where the man had stood. Why would he say that? Why would he trust him, if he had just lost every reason to make Pavel like him? Why didn't he continue to try and convince him that he was the good guy who wanted only the best for him? _I love you._ No matter how hard he tried to remind himself that it was only lies made up to lure him into trusting the doctor, he couldn't help the warmth spreading through his body as he quietly repeated the words again and again. Why couldn't he just believe them? Didn't they make him feel so much better than anything else? What was his freedom if it turned his insides to ice? It was a battle fought between two parts of his own self as he struggled and failed to see what was lie and what was truth.

Irina. The woman had told him to listen to what his gut was telling him, who told him that sometimes analytical thinking and logic wasn't everything he needed to survive on his own. He had only ever lived in a world ruled by formulas and computers, physics and mathematics, but that was only a little part of the outside world, her world. She had told him so much about trust and distrust, about who was worthy of his attention and who wasn't; she had tried to teach him how to decide when to use his mind and when to trust in his feelings, because that was how she had made it in this cruel, friendless wasteland, all on her own. She had told him that in a world like this, trust was the thing with the highest value because trusting someone meant showing weakness and trusting the wrong person was like a death sentence. When Leonard said he trusted him, he wasn't asking for anything, wasn't trying to save himself or his friends, he was telling Pavel to do what he thought was right, because he knew that he would choose correctly...

"Captain, the enemy ship is moving away from us, what should we do?"

"Resume the attack."

The dark voice right next to his ears brought him back to reality with a jolt, and he jerked away from the hands that still rested on his hips. He wasn't a plaything, or a slave. Khan had no right to touch him like this, to claim him as his own. "Ceese fire!" He yelled, leaping forward to grab the phaser he had laid down earlier as he turned around to face the man he had served for over seventeen years now. "If you continue ze attack I vill kill myself. And you vill newer be able to get avay from here!" His hands were trembling and his heart beating like a drum, but his voice was steady, just as before, matching Khan's in its cold. "He slowly made his way over to one of the controls, never looking away from the man and still pressing the phaser against his own temple. "I vill leewe zrough zat door. If you follow me I vill not hesitate to pull ze trigger. And you know zat." He didn't wait for an answer - he didn't want one. Instead, he reached over to the control and entered a few of his own codes.

For a moment nothing happened but then the screen flickered, now showing only black nothingness instead of the Enterprise. Another code and the weapon systems and the shields were down. He could feel the icy glare resting on him, but he didn't look up as he made his way to the doors, slowly, step by step until they had closed behind him. Only then did he start to run. Pavel knew the other wouldn't let himself be fooled like this; he knew he would follow him soon or find another way to get him, there was no way, Khan would let him win this round.

"Vhat are you doing..." he whispered to himself, unable to understand how this one man could affect him like this. He still wasn't sure if he could trust him. There was still doubt, but right now he knew that if Leonard was going to kill him, it wouldn't throw him back into the cold nothingness inside him. Because even if it wasn't true, the declaration of his love and trust had made him feel better than anything else had ever had.

Pavel didn't care if the others were able to track his every movement, since it was pretty obvious where he was heading. "Deck zree!" He slipped into the turbolift, closing his eyes for a little moment as he tightened his grip around the phaser. He was now holding it in front of him, ready to shoot whoever got into his way. It was only good that this ship was run by a very small crew but he also suspected that Khan had already called everyone off already, since he couldn't risk his 'Wunderkind' to get hurt or killed. And for a moment, he believed to know how it felt to have power over someone, to know that he had something Khan needed and he would throw it away if the man made the wrong move, but he also knew he had to be careful. Beating someone in his own game was always something that turned out to be more difficult than expected. He had learned that lesson years ago.

For a moment he hesitated, then quickly hacked into the panel next to the door he was standing in front of, since he needed to find out what brig the other man had been thrown into and he couldn't waste precious time by searching the whole deck. Whirling around, he raised his phaser, sure to have heard steps, but there was nothing, not even the long shadows were moving and he turned back to the door again. His own steps were almost scaring him, so loud on the cold floor with no other sound to hear and he was almost afraid that they had already done something to Leonard. What if Khan had somehow ordered them to kill him right away? What if he knew that this would happen, and he wanted to trick Pavel into believing he was still alive and coming down here to see for himself and seeing that there was no hope of escaping his fate... Clenching his teeth, he pushed the thoughts aside, racing down the hallway until he reached the right cell.

Sighing in relief, he punched the code into the control panel but didn't dare to step inside once the energy field was down. The man simply sat there, eyes closed and a small smile playing around his lips and suddenly Pavel lost all wish to hurry, overcome by a wave of anxiety and insecurity. Had he really done the right thing? "I knew you would come, darlin'." And then the doctor was on his feet again, only needing two steps to cross the cell and pull him into a bone crushing embrace. The teen couldn't move but he didn't have to, instead he buried his nose in the man's shoulder breathing in the familiar scent and enjoying the feelings of safety and warmth that rushed through his body, reaching every last part of him and making him feel alive again. "I knew you wouldn't leave me to die. I knew it!" The words were whispered into his ear and chased away every last bit of doubt he had felt, reassuring him that he had indeed chosen the right way. And he knew there was no time to waste, that he should pull back right now and tell the man to escape, but he didn't. "Say et again. Vhat you haff told me eerlier." He begged, needing to hear it only one more time, while a crazy plan took form inside his head. "Tell me zat you love me."

And the doctor did. He took a step back and gently took Pavel's face in his hands, looking right into his eyes. "I love you, Pasha. I love you and I trust you more than anyone else." The Russian smiled, tears welling up in his eyes, as he nodded, unable to return the words, but he was sure the other knew he felt the same. Then he finally pulled himself together and stepped back, clearing his throat because he didn't trust his voice. "Ve need to get out of here. Ze transporter room is on deck fiwe. You vil just haff to take ze lift to get zere." He wanted to turn around and disappear, but the doctor held him back. "Wait. What's with you? And Jim?" Of course, the doctor couldn't have gotten here on his own, the Russian almost cursed himself for not considering this. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his PaDD and opened a file. "He has to be somevhere in zis corridor. You find him and enter zis code in ze panel by ze door. If you haff done zis you get to ze transporter room. I still haff to do somezeng but I vill meet you zere. You said you trusted me, right? So trust me now!" Thus he carefully freed himself from the hand that held onto his wrist and turned around, running back to the door.

They had only one chance to do this and he just hoped Leonard would do exactly what he had told him and not attempt to follow him or something. But if his Lyonya meant what he had said and trusted him, then he wouldn't doubt him right now. He couldn't use the lift this time, because Khan would know they had separated if the turbolift was used twice and like this they had maybe the hint of a chance to leave this ship without getting caught. There was only one other thing left for him to do and he had to be fast.

He ran. His feet were hitting the ground in a steady rhythm and for the first time he was really grateful that they had let him run during those long years he had been living in the cold facility in the middle of nowhere in Russia. The teen wasn't even slowing down while rounding the corners, though he almost slipped a few times but he could almost hear his time ticking away. He felt the anxiety and fear bubbling up in his chest, but he wouldn't give up now, not when they had a chance to finally be together again. Not when he was able to leave his past behind once and for all!

He almost smashed into the locked door and then panicked when the voice recognition wasn't working. Pavel tried it again and again, but not even his codes were able to override the lock. "Nononono..." Almost crying out in frustration, he hit the panel with his fist, almost wracking his brains, trying to find another code he had not yet tried. "Pleese, let zis vork." He whispered, entering the last combination of letters and numbers he had found in the back of his head, remembering that it was the first code he had ever used to override a manual lock.

For a few seconds nothing happened, but then the door finally swished open, revealing the small, dark room behind it. But it was not yet over. Hurrying into the room, he needed a little moment to orientate himself in the darkness, having never been here before, but his photographic memory told him the way to the right control. The screen flickered and flared to life under his fingers, a string of numbers dancing across the monitor, but he didn't have the time to admire his own handiwork. Though it was the most secure part of the whole system, it was almost easy to hack, compared to the door, and after a few seconds he finally retreated, a satisfied smile dancing over his lips.

"Self-destruction initiated. 5 minutes until self-destruction."

The smile widened into a grin, even though he knew he had no reason to be happy until he had managed to leave this ship in time, together with Lyonya and his friend. Still, he was flooded with triumph, as he left the room and headed for the transporter room. Every single speaker on the whole ship would be broadcasting the self-destruction process and since he had blocked all doors to the shuttle bay, there was no escaping from this ship other than through beaming off board. And not a single member of this crew was allowed to leave their post without Khan's permission, he was sure of it.

"Lyonya! Ve haff to..." He started as he slipped through the door of the transporter room, only to stop abruptly.

"We have been awaiting you."

Khan.

* * *

It was as if time was standing still, they held each other close, chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat and he felt the most wondrous feelings wash over him, like the tide had finally come to clean his mind and heart from the darkness. He didn't force the kid to say the same words he had done, he knew it already. It didn't matter if they were spoken or no, he could clearly see the feelings reflected in those greenish-blue eyes. The fact that he had come after all had been proof enough, and the man was sure that he had never really doubted the other, never even once thought that he would not come to save him. He didn't deserve the happy ending, Leonard knew that all too well, but he still hoped that they would get out of here alive. He wanted to tell the boy to never leave him again, reassure him that they would never have to part ways now, but the kid didn't let him.

The moment Pavel left, Leonard was tempted to follow him, to make sure he was safe. The urge was almost overwhelming, but he had promised the other to trust him and he had to get Jim. Determined not to waste a second, he left his cell, almost laughing as instead of the 'air of freedom' he only smelled the same scent of recycled air, he had found on the Enterprise as well. Not that it surprised him in any way; they were still on a space ship after all. The corridor was lit brightly and finding Jim was maybe the easiest task he had had in the last days. Yet the man wasn't as noisy as he usually was and there wasn't even a trace of the wide grin left on his features. Instead Leonard found lines of worry and fear, a panic he could understand. And he almost admired Jim for staying this calm even though he had no idea if his crew, his family, and his lover were still alive.

"Bones!" The doctor could hear relief and anxiety in his voice and he hurried to copy the code from the tablet in his hand to the panel how Pasha had told him. "Goddamnit Jim, you scared the living hell out of me." He muttered, only because he didn't want to show how glad he was to see the young man alive and breathing. Khan had obviously planned something with them but he didn't even want to know what it could be, probably something that would've had Pasha scarred for life and turned into an obedient slave of his. The very moment the young man was out of his brig, the doctor was pulled into a short, tight hug, hands desperately clinging to his shoulders, as Jim stepped back again, obviously trying to find the answers for his questions in the other's face. "Please tell me..."

"Ship is alright. A bit damaged but not destroyed. Can't tell you a thing about how many injured and dead you'll have to face though." Jim's features softened instantly and he closed his baby blue eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. It was the first time, Len had seen him this emotional, this wrecked and without the cocky demeanour he usually showed. He watched the other straighten himself and the hands disappeared from his shoulders. "What's happened? How did you get them to stop? Did you find the kid?" The question almost hurt him physically and he winced, shaking his head. "Not the time now, Jim, we have to get our asses off his ship!" And without waiting he left, hurried steps leading him down the corridor in the direction the Russian had showed him earlier. Leonard could hear the younger man following him but it surprised him that he didn't say a single word, as they made their way to the lift. He had expected more questions, a whole bunch of questions, but Jim obviously understood how serious the situation was.

He almost flinched as the doors to the lift opened and immediately reached for his phaser, only that he didn't have it anymore. Swearing, he pressed himself against the wall, motioning for the other to do the same. A man stepped out of the lift, heavily armed but they were able to surprise him, both reaching out at the same time, Bones' kick aiming for his legs and Jim's hand grabbing his neck. Only seconds later he was on the floor, not breathing anymore, his head twisted in an unnatural angle. "Still as precise as always, Bones." And he knew they were back in business, back to being best friends and partners. This was the reason why they had worked so well together: they knew how the other would act before he did; they knew the moves to complement one another, both having a register of every move the other made in a fight. It was also the reason why Jim had been the only one he really trusted, until Pasha came along.

Leonard simply nodded and ushered him into the lift, announcing 'Deck Five' like the teen had told him to. As soon as the doors were closed again and the lift moved, he felt another wave of relief wash through him. They had almost made it. He couldn't tell if it was just his imagination, maybe he was just pessimistic, but he felt like there was something else, something they had forgotten about. Should they really be granted a happy end? He didn't deserve it, that was pretty clear, but no fate could be cruel enough to torment a wonderful person like Pasha, right? He frowned, throwing a quick glance at his friend, who had begun to rub the bridge of his nose, something he only did whenever he was really nervous. Something was amiss; it didn't feel right, and the expression on Jim's face told him that the man felt it too.

They both winced as an artificial voice suddenly announced that the ship's self-destruction had been initiated and Leonard knew immediately that it had been Pavel. He felt the questioning glance of his friend, saw the disbelief in his eyes, and nodded.

Five minutes, they had five minutes left to get off this ship, or they would all blow up.

The doors opened and they practically stumbled outside. Running down the corridor they checked the signs on the doors, hoping that the transporter room would at least be labelled correctly. Maybe it was the haste that made him blind and careless, maybe it was the euphoria that they could actually make it, that they had a chance to escape their bad luck and what had almost looked like fate to the doctor, but he didn't realise they were being followed until they reached the transporter room and Jim's shouted warning reached his ears. Yet before he could react, a weapon was pressed against his back and a dark voice whispered into his ear that he had lost the game.

Cold chills ran down his spine and the hope was immediately crushed by resignation. He had been stupid, so very stupid. He could barely force his legs to move, as he was pushed through the door and into the transporter room, Jim right behind them, probably with another phaser pointed at his head as well. Well done, Leonard, well done. The man cursed himself, fists clenched, as he could only wait for a moment of abstraction from the man behind him. But he didn't get a chance to fight, not before he heard a familiar voice call out his name and the slender Russian rushed through the door.

He could almost hear the triumphant smile in Khan's low voice and he saw the kid's face fall, a look of desperation in his eyes that Leonard had wanted to never see there again. It pained him to see his beloved like this; it pained him to know that he wasn't able to save him, to protect him from this man with the cruel eyes.

"We have been awaiting you."

"4 minutes to self-destruction"

And then everything happened too fast for him. The teen threw his weapon away, his features once again cold as steel, as he stepped forward. "I am ze only vone who knows how to deaktiwate ze self-destruction. You vill let zem go or ve all die." Khan seemed to hesitate but he would be a fool to think the boy was bluffing. Pavel was calm, calmer than Leonard had ever seen him - his voice not shaking the tiniest bit, hands handing to his side, seemingly relaxed while his narrowed eyes were focused on the man standing right behind the doctor.

"3 minutes to self-destruction"

The teen took another step towards them, shoving one hand and Leonard could see him slipping one hand into his pocket, without attracting too much attention. "Let. Zem. Go." And the weapon behind him was lowered ever so slightly and Khan stepped back, still aiming at his head but his finger no longer resting on the trigger. It was the first time Pavel looked into his eyes, ever since he had stormed into the room and Len could see the determination and something else, something he didn't want to see. An apology, a promise that Leonard would be alright, but no guarantee that he himself would be. "Step onto ze platform." He ordered and Leonard obeyed. He couldn't move his eyes away, he found no words he could say without making the situation worse. Jim didn't lose a single word but Len could see the admiration in his eyes, something that proved how impressed the Captain was.

"2 minutes"

The Russian shot Khan another expressionless glance before he stepped onto the platform as well and wrapped his arms around the doctor's neck. Leonard let himself be pulled into a kiss, neither soft nor chaste but desperate and hungry, like the kid knew that they would never see each other again, as if he wanted to savour this taste before he went back to everything he wanted to leave behind. A hand touched his and something was pressed into his palm, slender fingers caressing his wrist, as he took it, suddenly realising why the other was trying so hard to distract everyone in the room with the kiss.

"1 minute."

Leonard felt how his heart was torn apart as Pavel stepped back, turning his back on him and walked over to the controls. The last thing the doctor saw was the kid's lips, forming a silent 'I love you' before he felt the same tingling sensation as before and everything disappeared. "Captain!" The hobgoblin's voice was the next thing he heard and instead of the transporter room on board the USS Vengeance. He was on the bridge of the Enterprise again, directly staring at the screen in front of him. Next to him he could feel Jim move, hearing his shaking voice, as he whispered:

"Any time now."

The doctor gripped is own arms, fingernails digging into his skin, as he watched the screen, suddenly understanding what Jim meant. Pavel had lied. Of course he had. The kid had never planned to abort the self-destruction; instead he had bought them time and managed to save Leonard and the Captain. His gaze flickered down to the thing in his hand and he saw that it was a small data chip. The coordinates.

He closed his eyes, unable to look as a bright light engulfed the other ship and it was torn apart from within.

"No..." his voice was weak, broken as he slowly began to realise what had just happened. He saw the smile on Pavel's face, the knowing and gentle smile as his smart fingers had operated the transporter controls.

"No." The doctor resisted the urge to sink to his knees, forcing his weak knees to obey his orders, and yet unable to even make a sound. He didn't accept it; he didn't want to accept that the kid should be gone. He felt a hand on his shoulder but he didn't turn around, he just stared at the screen where the other ship had been, where his little Pasha had been only a few minutes ago. "Pasha." It was nothing but a whisper that fell from his lips. "I'm sorry, Bones." But the doctor shook his head, not even noticing the hot tears on his cheeks. "He saved us." He whispered, unable to tear his gaze away from the wreckages. "He knew he wouldn't survive it, he knew it all along... he lied. He fooled me!"

"He did the only thing he could do, Bones. He's a hero."

But the doctor shook his head, a numb feeling creeping up in his chest, swallowing him whole.

"He's a goddamn bastard for letting me down like this!"

"I did not know you Amerikans call your boyfriend a bastard... Is zis some kind of term of endearment?"

Leonard's eyes widened and he whirled around, staring in shock and surprise at the person standing in the doors of the turbolift. At a complete loss of words he pinched himself, unsure if this was just a dream or if he was having hallucinations.

But he did feel it.

"Pasha."


End file.
